Featured: Lana Del Rey and DD/lg

What is DD/lg? And what does Lana Del Rey have to do with it? I discussed this subset of BDSM culture in my post at Slutty Girl Problems.

Del Rey also uses a lot of suspiciously “rough” imagery, comparing herself to an angel looking to be fucked hard, or reminiscing about wildly beloved partners that she knows are bad for her (“You’re no good for me / but baby I want you, I want you”). She often combines passionate romance with elements of danger, and seems to beg to be looked after. Sweetly, she cajoles “Be a good baby / Tell me you own me,” or sings “Put your hands on my waist / Do it softly.” But it’s lines like “Let me put on a show for you, daddy” and “You can be the boss, daddy / You can be the boss” that speak for themselves. Members of the community have even interpreted “He hit me and it felt like a kiss […] Give me all of that ultraviolence” to be akin to a girl asking for a pleasurable spanking.

Interested in learning more about DD/lg and why those in the scene are so into Lana's music? Read the full post here.

Review: Bijoux Indiscrets Twenty One

In case you didn’t know, Bijoux Indiscrets is a luxury manufacturer specialising in sensual accessories, cosmetics, and really fabulous lingerie. If you check out their about page, their focus is primarily on exploring sensuality and having wonderfully arousing experiences, alone or with partners. Although I haven’t tried many of their products, I am totally on board with a focus on more sensual matters, as opposed to taking the quick and easy shortcut to climax. Yeah, okay, sometimes you want that. But in general, I think most people prefer how the whole moment can make you feel. That’s what you take away in the end, isn’t it? That’s what you remember, for months or years afterwards? The flirtation, the buildup, the hints and light touches; the slow disrobing and caresses; the actual act of sharing that moment in time with someone. Of making it special. The orgasms are just the cherry on top really, and they’re not necessary for absolutely glorious sex. In fact, you can have the best sex with all your clothing firmly on.

So I really appreciated the emphasis by Bijoux Indiscrets on the little things – on sweet, satiny lingerie with ribbons and bows that you can pull on, slowly, to release it to the ground with a whispery shudder; on glittering body-jewellery that emphasises your favourite features and that you find, later, scattered inside the folds of sheets like treasure; or fanciful masks that emphasise your eyes from behind a wisp of lace. Perfume as an accessory, to create a conditioned response, a signature scent that immediately sets the mood; body-paint as a love-letter that you can lick, giggling, from stomachs and thighs and the backs of knees in a squirming, laughing mess of sticky linen and hand-prints. In the world Bijoux wants to create, there are always scented candles in the bedroom and massage oil in the dresser, everything is made of satin or embellished with jewels, and the primary colour of your life is a luxy gold.

Enter the Twenty One, the company’s first vibrator. It’s a diamond. It’s a palm-sized, golden diamond, and it vibrates.

The first time I became aware of the Bijoux Indiscrets Twenty One, I thought it was hilarious. A vibrating diamond? Like … what? Not to say I thought it a bad choice, although I’m sure that some might feel it verges on tacky. It was more that I was entertained by the amusing whimsicality of the design. It looks more like a perfume bottle than a sex toy. Like. A golden, vibrating diamond. What a time to be alive.

Then I won it. And this only served to entertain me more. I laughed on and off for about three hours, sent my details, and waited for my prize to arrive.

The Twenty One is made out of body-safe ABS plastic, is waterproof and USB rechargeable, has a year’s warranty, a soap-and-water cleanup, and promises strong and rumbly vibrations. As is expected from a high-end manufacturer, the presentation is absolutely beautiful. The outer cardboard packaging is all white and gold and striated with a subtle, geometric design, containing a more durable black box with the company logo inlaid into the lid. It’s a classy little flip-top, like with an engagement ring, and briefly I imagine dropping to one knee before a potential partner and asking if they’ll be my sex-bro for life. The vibe is sitting pretty on a tray of moulded plastic, with the manual, charging cable, and a black storage pouch beneath. It’s more glorious than I expected. A nice fit for the hand, with light gleaming off the facets, my nasty little fingers left prints all over the shining surface. This only confirmed my suspicion that the Twenty One is just too fancy for a pleb like me. It’s charged by unscrewing the top, flattened portion of the diamond and inserting the jack into the guts inside. Some people seemed to have problems with managing to get the top off, but unless you have grip issues you just grasp it with the flat of your palm more than your fingers and twist. Charging takes about three hours and is indicated by a red LED, with an advertised one hour of play time per charge.

The Twenty One only has one button, located on one of the sides below the angled faceted area. It’s flat and also plastic, so takes a little jiggling around to find, as well as enthusiasm with the pressing to turn it on and change modes. If you have long nails or weak hands you might struggle with this, but I just use a firm press with the flat of a thumb. The vibe only has three steady modes, followed by seven (!) vibration patterns – which seemed excessive to me at first, but more on that later. You cycle through all the modes by pressing the single button, and turn it off by holding it down. As for how it feels? Well, the vibrations are definitely rumbly and the hard plastic is an excellent medium for transmitting them, but all the sensation is concentrated in the pointed tip of the diamond due to the location of the motor. I had been kind of keen to use the flat side because I’m down for broader stimulation, but this is disappointingly weak. In fact, the first time I tried the Twenty One out, I wasn’t too impressed. I had been spoilt by the We-Vibe Tango, and the Twenty One did nothing for me in comparison. And only three modes? What gives? Why did they choose to include seven vibration patterns instead of focusing on raw, unadulterated power??

Then, one glorious day, I figured it out.

Bijoux Indiscrets isn’t focused on making a powerhouse. The whole company ethos is focused on taking time for exploration. Luxuriating in sensory delights. The buildup. The inherent pleasure of the little things.

So to keep that in mind, I did a lot of warming up over a long period of time before the Twenty One even made an appearance. I tried using the angled edge, the long side with the tip pointing up or down, the flat top against my palm with the point between my thighs while I lay on my stomach, and yes, the vibration patterns. It was actually amazing to experience the different pulses and waves when you’re already edging; I found myself needing to stop for a few moments between each mode and recover slightly before continuing. It was, in a word, great. That seems anti-climactic but in reality, it was anything but.

The Twenty One is a good quality and pleasurable toy, yeah, but power queens or those who struggle with achieving orgasm may not appreciate a more roundabout masturbation method. In this case, get yourself a more powerful quick fix. However, if you’re looking to buy your first clitoral vibe or you’re okay with taking the long route, the Twenty-One is your deal. Heck, if you and your partner really want to slow things down and focus on sensation, making so-called “foreplay” the main event, this is for you. I’ll bet you guys will find creative ways to use the Twenty One’s unique shape, and feel fancy while doing so.

Featured: OMG Yes review

If you haven't tried OMG Yes yet, this is the time. Haven't heard of it? I wrote a review of the pleasure-oriented website at Slutty Girl Problems:

So imagine trying to explain to someone how to make your favorite meal. You can ask them to sauté some vegetables for ten minutes, or to add a cup of broth, and they’ll know what to do and just do it. And it will come out pretty much the way you like it, because we all understand what the terminology signifies. 

Now imagine if you’re with a new partner, and you tell them you’re a fan of continual edging but you prefer starting out with some hinting around your clitoris, and when you’re ready to climax they should focus on accenting the 3 o’ clock sort of position with strong downward strokes. And imagine if they actually knew what that meant. Wouldn’t it make such a profound difference in the way we communicate in our relationships? In the way we experience pleasure?

And that's where OMG Yes comes in. Interested? Read the full review here.

Review: We-Vibe Tango

There comes a time in every user’s life when they decide they need a travel vibe. A tiny, efficient little powerhouse that could hide easily in a carry-on and not look suspicious in the x-ray. My only other vibrator was a wand-style beast that would definitely provoke suspicion in airports, and while it wasn’t too obviously sex-toy shaped, you still don’t want to be given the side-eye from airport security or (heaven forbid) have to lift it out your suitcase with two hands from under a mound of underwear.

I always liked the look of the classic bullets, because they’re compact and classic and have versatility in terms of being able to be inserted into other toys, I guess, although that wasn’t exactly my primary motivation. The length of a finger and shaped vaguely like a lipstick, bullets are discreet and effective. It seemed the way to go.

In the sex-blogging community, the We-Vibe Tango is lauded as the Cadillac of bullet vibes. Reviewers sing its praises, wax lyrical over the rumbly vibrations and orgasm-inducting power; and it seemed to be the must-have of any serious collection. I managed to get it with a discount code, and never regretted a thing. All the hype is true. It’s quite possibly my favourite and most-used toy. But before we get ahead of ourselves, let’s get into some specs.

The contemporary Tango is actually the sister to an older, now discontinued We-Vibe product called the Salsa. In fact, the Tango sold right now is the second, improved incarnation of the same toy; with a marginally-revised shape, improved charging port and a blinking low-battery indicator. It’s available in a deep pink or a sort of cornflower blue (unless you get it as part of the We-Vibe Pleasure Mate collection, in which case it comes in a rather antiseptic white), is 9cm long and tapers slightly, with one flat side. The tip sort of looks like someone sliced it off at an angle, kind of like a lipstick. It’s USB rechargeable, waterproof, comes with a warranty, and is made from body-safe ABS plastic with a silicone bit at the base where the single button is.

It also comes with a white satiny storage pouch, which is pretty handy, because naturally I wouldn’t want to travel with it in its branded and photo-bedecked box. It takes a few hours to charge, which is via a couple of metal pins at the base. The charger connects to these via magnetism; a little tenuously due to the cylindrical shape of the toy, which can roll and break the connection. Once everything is immobile, the Tango has a little LED that glows steadily during charging and turns off when it’s ready to use.

So far, so good. But how does it feel?

The first time I tried the Tango, it was just after I got it and I just wanted to see what it was like. As in, I wasn’t even in the mood for anything. And still, within three minutes, the Tango was a great and resounding winner. It only has four steady modes and then four vibration patterns, with the single button cycling through each of them before turning the toy off. There’s no way of decreasing the speed without going through each of the modes – which would ordinarily bother me, but there is just no space for a second button. It also has a memory-chip that starts the toy on the last mode you used, which is a little annoying seeing as it’s generally a higher setting than I would like to start out with. I usually bypass this by cycling through all the settings until it turns off, rather than pressing and holding the button to turn it off immediately.

Because realistically, though, who would ever want to start out of the fourth and highest level? Like, that’s almost clitoral suicide. This bullet is powerful, possibly due to the strength of the motor combined with the concentrated point and the hard, vibration-transmitting plastic. Because the body is high-quality plastic, you could use whatever lube you like as well (as long as you keep silicone lubes on the business end and away from the base). The vibration patters are pretty good too, if you like that sort of thing. My favourite is the “wave” mode, which starts out slow and builds up in an ebb and flow motion, but I hardly ever use any of them. To be honest, I don’t often even get there. Due to its size and shape, the Tango provides a lot of very fine, pinpoint vibration that is unsettlingly powerful for someone who’s more accustomed to broader, more widespread stimulation. The lipstick-like tip is actually pretty good at providing different angles of stimulation, with the option of using the very point if you are curious as to what a laser might feel like as a masturbatory aid.

The Tango has become my favourite toy partially because it’s just so easy to grab and use. There’s no need to worry about whether it will run out on you even – the orange blinking of the LED will let you know when it’s time to charge. Due to its waterproof nature, it’s easy to clean (a little soap and water is fine), with no weird seams that trap bacteria. It’s palm-sized and easy to hide pretty much anywhere, and I feel perfectly confident travelling with it due to its non-representational shape. Unfortunately, it doesn’t have a travel-lock function, so if you’re worried about your electronics being searched in the airport (apparently some airports like you to place all tech devices in a separate little tray for scanning), you may want to deplete it of charge first. Which might take a while because the battery life is amazing.

If you’re looking for a tiny, pinpoint, livewire of a clit vibe, this toy is for you. If you dislike really focused stimulation, maybe try something else (like the We-Vibe Touch, which has the same motor but a broader point of contact). Hide it in your pocket or purse, take it on a trip. The Tango has your back.

Featured: Je Joue Ami+

A few weeks ago, I reviewed the Je Joue Ami+ advanced kegel trainer at Cara Sutra. 

Available in a pretty standard colour palette of purple or fuchsia, made from body-safe silicone and ABS plastic, the Ami+ is a whopping 136 grams.

Yes. 136 grams. For those who have never used kegel weights, this may not seem impressive until you realise that the heaviest of the original Ami set is only 106 grams.　

[...] At first, the extent of my abilities was twenty minutes. Now I can do about six hours or so, but sometimes the Ami+ betrays me ...

I love this trainer! It's the first one I got that really challenged me, and I still don't feel I've fully conquered it yet. You can read the full review here.

That Clicks Aisle

What’s up with all the “feminine products” in the tampon aisle? You see them everywhere, from the humble grocery store to pharmacies with vast arrays of gendered 'hygiene.' It’s bewildering. You’re just wandering about, looking for something innocent like menstrual products or tissues, and you are confronted with a slew of different gels and washes specifically targeted at women. They all use euphemistic terms such as “feminine” and “intimate” and just seem to add to the ever-increasing mountain of products marketed directly to women. I was marginally affronted upon first encountering all these nefarious potions, until I found a use for exactly one of them.

Have you ever wondered if they serve any real purpose? After all, they wouldn’t be sold unless they have practical applications, right? Actually, most of them are pretty spurious, and some can even be harmful. Let’s investigate.

Firstly, there are certain things that are bad for vulvas. Soap is one of them. This seems counterintuitive, because it kind of goes against everything we’ve known from childhood – soap makes things clean and cleaner is better. Ergo, use soap. Unfortunately, regular soap is formulated for the skin on the rest of the body, which sits at around 5.5 pH. The vagina’s pH is maintained at a healthy 3.8-4.5 all by itself just fine, thank you very much, and the intrusion of soap can actually disrupt the natural order of things. When your vulva’s pH is all messed-up, it can lead to bacterial vaginosis (aka BV, aka a pretty nasty odour); yeast infections and all sorts of foul stuff that can make you have a very bad time.

It turns out some gentle cleaning with just plain water is perfectly fine. All you need is your hand, as scrubbing hard with cloths or loofas can irritate the area and lead to discomfort anyway.

Secondly, glycerine is the devil. Seriously. Yeast infections survive on sugar, and guess what glycerine is? Yup. It’s included in a great many products for its moisturising properties, and is often one of the main ingredients in water-based lube. Unfortunately, many products claiming to be vulva-friendly are packed with glycerine, with companies like Gynae Guard appearing to be trying to cash in on thrush prevention methods while simultaneously allowing outbreak-causing ingredients in their products. Sneaky, Gynae Guard. We see your crimes.

Basically, if you struggle with yeast infections, you better get used to reading labels (or taste it, if you're not shy. If it's sweet, it's glycerine).

Products we actually do use

If you have chronic thrush plagues or sensitivity, you might find it helpful to switch to a wash formulated for “intimate areas,” or however they’re marketed. As a person with way too much experience in these things, I find it reassuring that such products help create a healthy environment for good bacteria in the vulva area. I only ever select glycerine-free washes, and noticed that they seem to alleviate the duration and severity of even an existing outbreak. It can also be quite soothing to the area and provide temporary relief shortly after application. I also use it as a toy-cleaner, figuring it will have the same benefits in that context as well. After all, preventative measures work magic.

The only thing I use from that endless aisle (yes, the one that is so large it needs a label all to itself above it), aside from tampons are the Lil-lets intimate care wipes. Since I’m not sensitive to yeast infections and thrush, I don’t use any of the soaps or have to read the labels on every lube bottle to avoid glycerine, which is nice. High five to everyone out there like me, we are privileged. Now if you’re squeamish, the short reason is because I like to feel fresh and wish there were tiny mini-showers we could have just for our bits when it’s really hot, or maybe you’ve had a particularly messy bedroom encounter, or when you’re on your period and everything's just feeling a bit damp and gunky.

I have large thighs. I mean really, really large thighs. Chafing is a big deal. I fell victim to the Lil-lets Powder, advertised as a solution to chafing; and thought it would solve my problems. It didn’t really. It didn’t stop the endless sweating, and just sort of mixed with it to create a paste. You might be very interested to know that it does however work for men who uh ... hang a little lower and suffer from chafing in their gentlemen’s regions. Go on, spread the word and save a bro’s bits today. They will also smell quite pleasantly flowery.After this paste ordeal, I found these wipes. Now they don’t help with the chafing, but they do help with the feeling of sweaty claustrophobia I get around my vagina when it’s hot, I’m perioding, or just feel like I need an extra clean moment. They smell great and are easy to carry around in your handbag. They make your vagina feel very nice and clean without being harsh on it or drying it out and causing irritation. I also use them after toys, because I found that tissue paper was just too rough, since my vagina is fairly dry to begin with. Or after particularly enthusiastic sexual encounters, when you’re feeling just a little bit tender, these wipes are the real MVP. Soothing.

 FYI

12 Basic Rules for Women's Intimate Hygiene
Vagina Varsity on cleanliness and when to call a doctor