Featured: SGP Lube Round-Up

I've tried a bunch of lubes lately, and I must say, it must take a connoisseur to do an accurate write-up about lubricant! Lube is lube is lube to me -- except when it's not. Here, I review some water-based lubricants, one of which I didn't allow near my nethers. The others were pretty good, actually.

Unfortunately, these are all overseas brands. They are available from certain retailers in SA, but, as you might have noticed, we've been trying to focus more on local retailers and products at Oh Glow. However, we might have the opportunity to review a water-based lubricant from one of our favourite manufacturers soon, so watch this space!

Pink Water

In my search for a good water-based lube, I have been trying to test out a bunch of different brands. My most dominant thoughts of Pink Water is about the scent:

Credit: SluttyGirlProblems

It smells really good – “fresh” is the only word I can really use to adequately describe it, but the closest thing to compare it to might be that it’s kind of … lemony? Not in that it smells like lemons, but just because it’s a similarly light and herbal and clean-smelling. It’s actually really nice! [...] The texture is slick and slippery without the almost greasy feel that comes with silicone lubes, so if you’re into a little extra slipperiness without any additional heaviness, you’ll probably enjoy the feel of this lubricant! However, it does taste suuuper bad – really bitter, probably from the aloe vera. Word for the wise: don’t use this lube for manual stimulation and then switch to oral, because you will have a bad time. Like, I can imagine it would make a really funny prank for a partner, but for on-the-reg oral use? Nah.

But why wouldn't I keep using this lube? Well, Google told me not to. To see why, read the full review here.

Astroglide Liquid

I didn't get on with this lube at all. It contained all of my most hated ingredients, people on Astroglide's own website claimed it caused burning pain, and it felt/tasted really bad. I had nothing positive to say about this product, and I'm so glad it was only a sample size. I mean, this is what I was working with:

The feeling of it is almost sticky, and it makes tiny little strings when you touch it and pull your hand back. Honestly, the only thing I can compare the texture to is the mucus-ey stuff left by snails. Except, like, a lot of it. Imagine a whole sachet of snail-trail. That’s what a sample size of Astroglide Liquid is like. [...] The drying phase is a bit awkward, turning thick and even stickier and making even more snail-trail strings that stretch it almost the length of a ruler. Wow! Impressive snail-trail strings! Imagine that betwixt your thighs. It also dries to a slightly oily residue, but takes forever to lose tackiness. Astroglide’s website claims that clean-up is easy, and I am glad, because I would definitely want to exorcise this from my nethers ASAP. But I would never know. Because I never allowed Astroglide Liquid past my elbow.

If you're keen to read some strong-worded non-recommendations, check out the full text here.

Jo Organic NaturaLove

As bitter as Pink Water is, Jo Organic NaturaLove is sweet and tasty! Seriously, I went a little mad for the smell and flavour of this one:

Credit: SluttyGirlProblems

[T]he scent of cookie dough was what hit me first. I squeezed a little amber-coloured gel onto my fingers and sniffed. Yep, definitely vanilla overtones. I freaking love vanilla. The lube smelled almost good enough to … yeah, it’s definitely delicious. It actually has an almost caramelised vanilla-extract taste that only intensified my cookie dough first impression. It’s sweet in a way that was unfamiliar to me, and I wasn’t quite sure where the taste came from until I checked out the ingredients. [...] It turns out that the sweetness comes from agave extract, as well as an unnamed (but apparently organic) flavour/aroma enhancer. I think the chamomile extract might also have something to do with the scent, but I don’t really care. I just want a really giant tub of this to eat with a spoon. Unfortunately, this was not to be, and I had to use it as lube instead. OH NO.

I loved using this lube, and if you're a hippie looking for a lubricant as organic as your lifestyle, have a look at my full review here.

Mirena Removal Update

A while ago, I wrote about my struggles with the Mirena IUD. It's still one of the most popular posts on this blog, and for good reason -- birth control is a big deal, and can pretty much make or break your life. Even if there are no slip-ups that result in an unplanned pregnancy, your hormones govern much of your life, and even a slight shift can make living in your own body an absolute hell.

I got my Mirena removed two years before its expiry date because of unexplained weight gain, excessive hair-fall, inexplicable tiredness (and even more inexplicable sleeping problems), a persistent, tingly numbness (aka "pins and needles"). It's been a year since removal, and I've noticed some changes. If you are thinking about removing your Mirena, this is the post for you -- I had no idea what crazy stuff my body would pull on me afterwards. But let's start with the good things.

Pros: Everything is better

Firstly, weight loss. There was no dramatic change in my weight immediately after removal, but I did notice a very slow and subtle reduction of the fat that had bothered me so much beforehand. I also noticed that my energy picked up dramatically -- I no longer go through period of utterly crushing tiredness and the accompanying feelings of despair that used to make me feel even more exhausted. Because of this, I also feel more capable when I do my workouts.

My hair pretty much immediately stopped falling out the way it used to in the past. Hairdressers tell me how healthy it is. A cousin of mine was giving me a French plait and mentioned that my ponytail felt like a thick rope. Basically, my hair is flourishing and happy again. I still have to clear out occasional clumps from the shower drain, but there are no longer home-grown tumbleweeds blowing around the house.

The super-weird pins and needles feeling that used to plague me after thirty seconds of regular sitting doesn't happen any more. Why would pins and needles be a problem, you ask? Because it happened constantly, whether or not I crossed my legs or was in an odd position. It was so painful that I wouldn't be able to move, and sometimes it genuinely felt worrying -- you start wondering about your circulation when your extremities feel perpetually in danger of falling off entirely. I don't know what about the Mirena caused it (and the doctors I spoke to dismissed the correlation), but my life is honestly so much better without the near-constant tingly pain.

Cons: Weaning off the Mirena

Obviously, my life has improved without the constant hormonal influx from the IUD. It did take a while to get there though. Cutting my body off from the sweet, sweet progesterone it had become so accustomed to had some very gory consequences. Content warning: if you are freaked out by blood 'n stuff, you might wish to stop reading now.

an accurate representation

My first post-Mirena period lasted eight days and happened pretty shortly after removal, but it was no regular eight days. It was the gender-bent equivalent of 300. I couldn't always handle the regularity of the Mooncup changes -- with perhaps two hours between emptying, my sleep was interrupted and I stopped changing my sheets when I couldn't keep up with the laundry loads. Ditto pants. Sometimes, you just have to cut your losses and make peace with the fact that you'll be sitting in dried blood for a few days. I started popping a spare pair of undies along with a Ziplock baggie into my handbag when I was out for the day -- not that it mattered; the new ones would be soaked within hours anyway. My body was freaking out and using hormonal time-travel to shed uterine lining I hadn't even generated yet, and it was horrifying. When you see fleshy chunks about half the size of a golfball fall from your body, you start feeling like you've inadvertently assumed the lead in the new Alien film.

After that carnage, I didn't have another period for 43 days. My regular cycle lasts 26-28 days in total (thanks Clue!), so this was abnormal to say the least. Other than the excessive gore, it was a fairly symptom-free period -- no really awful cramps; just endless iron tablets and never enough dry pants.

Right now, I have a 'normal' period of about five days, with a manageable flow. Although my Mirena-period was very convenient in that it was present enough to dissuade thoughts of pregnancy but limited to spotting, the Tarantino-esque onslaught of carnage that followed removal really made me appreciate a 'regular' period flow again.

If you had any problems with hormonal birth control, tell me about it! Otherwise, I'd love to know if the Mirena is working for you.

Interview with Juliet of Yoni Eggs!

Juliet and one of her gift boxes.
Image source: Juliet Terblanche.

Recently, I came across South African retailer Yoni Eggs South Africa and their gorgeous vaginal eggs made from semi-precious stones. You might have heard of the concept before -- concubines used to swear by jade eggs and their ability to improve pelvic floor strength, increase sexual prowess and supposedly balance hormones -- but personally, I hadn't realised that they were available in South Africa. At this blog, we love talking about local retailers and makers of sensual products, so I reached out to founder Juliet Terblanche for a crash course in Yoni Eggs.

This interview has been edited only for brevity and clarity.

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Firstly, your website is called "Yoni Eggs." For those that are unfamiliar with the term, what does the word "yoni" mean to you?

Yoni is a Sanskrit word that literally translates as "sacred space" but is most commonly used to mean vagina or womb. Yoni also has a wider interpretation of meaning "female creative force" or "creative power of nature." It's a word I like a lot, in all of its interpretations.  

What drew you to the jade egg practice? How has it affected you since you started?

I came across some material by holistic sex and relationship coach, Kim Anami -- someone whose work I have come to respect enormously. I was looking for a way to heal the all-too-common rift that is created between our psyches and our sexuality by "domestication" of our wilder natures and the programming around sexuality by society in general. The jade egg spoke strongly to this disconnect within myself. Since I have started my practice I am now slowly but surely starting to heal this rift. There's still some way to go but a regular jade egg practice as well as the teachers and places it has led me to since starting out on this path are my way back to being able to be fully present and here in my totality. 

Do you find the SA market is open to this sort of 'alternative' practice?

Image source: Juliet Terblanche.

It may be surprising to hear that jade eggs have been extremely well received here - regardless of how "alternative" this practice may seem. Women are growing increasingly disillusioned with handing over their sexual and reproductive health to mainstream medicine -- the majority of whom don't have any proper understanding of what they are dealing with or how to go about doing so. The solutions women are offered by mainstream medicine -- drugs or surgery -- just don't work satisfactorily and, just as in other areas of health, women are starting to look for alternatives.  

How is working with a jade egg different to using regular kegel exercisers (such as the weighted kegel balls)?

Well, for a start they are made from semi-precious stones -- each with their own healing vibration and intelligence of their own. I also personally much prefer having a natural material inside my body rather than silicone or plastic. In addition, a yoni egg practice is exactly that - a practice akin to yoga that encompasses a lot more than just putting an object inside the vagina and doing a few exercises. When properly done it is a far deeper and more holistic way of building pelvic strength than any other kegel exerciser. Plus, it concentrates on building sensitivity and dexterity, as well as removing sexual blocks and all of the emotional healing that comes with that. 

Many practitioners claim that using a jade egg is helpful for healing from sexual trauma. This is of particular interest to me and, I'm sure, many others. Why do you feel that jade eggs are particularly useful with this kind of recovery?

My belief is that this benefit comes about mainly from the focus and attention suddenly being given to an area of the body that was shut down due to sexual trauma (and [here] I include sexual abuse, sexual shaming, "domestication", miscarriage, abortion or a difficult childbirth). When we can't cope with or don't understand something that is happening to us the energy/memory of that gets stored in our cells (cellular memory) and, in the case of sexual trauma, this naturally happens in our pelvic area. As a result, many women find buried sexual trauma will resurface during a jade egg practice. For those women it can be useful for them to find a therapist who can help them through this process (ie those particularly well-versed when dealing with sexual trauma and sexuality issues in general). Using a yoni egg also activates various reflexology points inside the vagina. Part of the practice involves discovering where the sensitive points inside the vagina lie as this gives us a clue as to the nature of the issue we are dealing with (ie - liver point = anger, kidney point = fear, etc). In other cases the vagina/cervix may just feel numb, meaning the body has shut down in order to "numb out" the trauma it has experienced. A lot of "de-armouring" of the vagina and cervix can be done using a jade egg and/or crystal wand or dildo - simply by finding those points that are numb (or painful) and pressing into them rather than shying away from them. Wonderfully healing. Just remember to B-R-E-A-T-H-E whilst doing so! "Tapping" or EFT can also help with memories of sexual trauma and is recommended as an adjunct to a regular jade egg practice.   

Image source: Juliet Terblanche.

Gwyneth Paltrow recently came under fire from a gynaecologist who claimed that jade eggs are unsafe because the stone is porous (therefore a bacteria trap), and that the pelvic floor muscles aren't meant to contract for a long period of time. Can you weigh in on the veracity of this criticism?

Wow, there is SO much I could say on this... and have done so already in fact! To address the particular points you raise from the article in question, any good jade egg teacher will emphasise the importance of the softening and relaxing part of the practice, rather than just concentrating on the tightening/strengthening part. As well as the importance of doing a short, focussed practice of 15-30 minutes rather than just putting your jade egg in and forgetting about it. Which Dr Gunter (the gynae making the criticisms) would have known had she actually done any research. As for the point re. jade eggs being porous and a bacteria trap, this is such nonsense. First of all, many far more potentially bacteria-laden and porous articles are put into our vaginas without a second thought - think penises, hands and sex toys! I don't know about you - but I have never asked my partner to sterilise his penis before putting it inside my vagina! And so far, so good! It is worth remembering that our vaginas are intelligent, self-cleansing organs, that know what to do with a bit of bacteria should it be presented to them. Secondly, the only items that have ever brought about Toxic Shock Syndrome are synthetic tampons - and there's a scientific paper here from the Yale Medicine Journal to prove that. In short, Dr Gunter -- and all the media who ran with this story -- have ridiculed and shamed any woman who takes control of their sexual sovereignty in this way, and THAT is the real issue here.

Lastly, SA is often stereotyped as being 'conservative.' Can you tell me more about your customers and what it's like to be an indie sexual wellness retailer here?

It's hard to say who my customers are. I think they are a wide cross-section of SA society. All races, and often those interested in holistic health already; but also those women who just know that the conventional manner of dealing with sexual and pelvic health don't actually work and who are looking for an alternative. They are women who believe in their own sexual sovereignty and who are tired of handing over control of their sexual and pelvic health to gynaecologists who generally just do not have enough understanding to be able to offer gentle, non-invasive but super-effective, self-responsibility healing options to their clients. Having said that, for sure I do sometimes come across super-conservative attitudes towards sexuality, but generally I seem to attract the opposite. Overall I think the tide is turning. As for being an indie sexual wellness retailer here, I love it! I love the conversations I have with people (men and women) and just how talking about sexuality heals everyone in that conversation as well as taking us deep into our psyches and the incredible insights and connections that are possible in that space. This is the time for healing the relationship to our sexuality and people are showing up in droves in order to do just that, "conservative" society that we live in or not.

 

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I really enjoyed Juliet's honest feedback on the ethos behind her beautiful products! Maybe it's the secret hippie in me, but sensual items made out of crystal are so incredibly appealing. While some might not agree with everything encompassed by the vaguely 'esoteric' aura surrounding jade egg practise, even cynics can't deny that they can be much prettier than 'traditional' sex toy materials. Personally, I think these sexual wellness aids are gorgeous, and made all the more valuable by the fact that they are backed up with a community that encourages its fellow practitioners to explore their sexuality in a loving, holistic way. Hopefully one day I'll be able to try jade egg practise myself. (Update: I did!)

Visit Juliet and check out her crystal eggs at the links below!

Website ♡  Facebook ♡  Twitter ♡  Instagram

How I Exercise Body Positivity

We all know that everyone has parts of their bodies they like more than others. Cognitively, we realise that even the most physically perfect human specimen can worry about their chest hair, or their teeth, or their acne scars. But often, simply realising this reality is not enough -- we can still feel inadequate and put ourselves down for very human traits that we've been trained to perceive as flaws. Why does it matter, even? Are our minds not the most important parts of us? Our brains, our kindness, what we do and how we love? Why, then, has an average-sized and healthy person like me spent nights actually sobbing over the way I look? Why does outward appearance (or the perception thereof) matter so much?

It constantly blows my mind how much self-image affects my mood. The realisation that a bad day in terms of self-confidence can actually sour my entire emotional landscape has led me to focus on actively cultivating body-positive thought processes in my everyday life, and it's changed the way that I relate to myself. I believe that anyone can benefit from a little extra bopo love, and I realise that it's difficult. However, these are some of the things that really helped me along my journey to really accepting myself and the way I look.

Following bopo activists

Minerva first introduced me to Instagram's bopo icon BodyPosiPanda (aka Megan Jayne Crabbe). This was my first exposure to the bopo community. I scoured her Instagram account, filled with the thoughts and images of her own soft, voluptuous body, as well as reposts from other activists to help spread awareness of the massive diversity in the bopo community. Through Megan I also discovered OMGKenzieee (Kenzie Brenna) and loved watching her work hard at her personal fitness goals, while still being open enough to share her stretch-marked stomach and cellulite thighs. It felt like an antidote to the scores of slender women I see all the time in my 'Recommended' feed.

Bopo activists call out media and societal expectations on their shame-inducing constraints, often interrogating aspects of our collective environment that I had never critiqued so closely in my own life. This sort of stuff sticks, and encourages you to unpack the ramifications of what happens around you. Posts by the above activists (and others) bolster my self-confidence and encourage me to turn my appreciation of their very human bodies towards myself as well.

A post shared by Megan Jayne Crabbe 🐼 (@bodyposipanda) on Mar 21, 2017 at 1:25pm PDT

Selfies

The ability to be able to control how you are represented and depicted in a digital, image-based world is incredibly important. So many people are afraid of having their photo taken because they don't like the way they might look. Like, I have a tag alert on my Facebook account, which alerts me when I've been tagged in something and waits for me to approve the image before it's added to my personal photo collection.

The only antidote to this that I've found reliable is taking my own photos. I can make myself feel comfortable about a selfie pretty much all the time. I know what angles and expressions work for me, what poses to do, where to put my hands and how best to fake a good image even on a bad day. But this isn't just about vanity, it's about curiosity and self-affirmation. Reflections can be distorted, or show us when we're at our sweatiest and most dishevelled, running errands on a warm day and catching sight of ourselves in a store window. Selfies help me to see what I can look like, within arms' reach and without all the bother of other distractions. They also help give me a more positive self-image on days I'm feeling a bit low.

Caring touch

This one always sounds a bit wacky when I try articulate it to people, but Minerva gets me. Basically, when I am feeling bad about myself, I find that gentle, caring self-touch helps me appreciate and accept myself more. Trying to experience my body as if from the outside helps me get out of my head a little bit, into the realm of sensation in which appearance doesn't matter. Squishy pudge feels luxurious and soft, hipbones are perfect grab-holds and even body hair is an added texture to the skin. It's basically trying to imagine how you feel to another person -- which sounds counter-intuitive at first. I mean, self-love shouldn't depend on anyone else's opinion, right? But in the same way that a good compliment about a feature we never really considered remarkable can affect how we view that feature, trying to experience your own body objectively can help us learn how to escape our own mental hang-ups. Curves can feel good. Stomach rolls can feel good. Your whole body can feel magnificent and glorious if you just try separate it from the mentality that it's just "that meat suit I'm trapped in."

A post shared by Kenzie Brenna (@omgkenzieee) on Apr 25, 2017 at 6:15am PDT

Positivity

This is the ultimate hardest step. Being body-positive is about unlearning the toxic messages we imbibe from the surrounding cultural climate and learning to think differently. This is literally about reverse mind-control. You're trying to brainwash yourself into being a bopo deity by unbrainwashing all the previous stuff you've learnt over the years, and it's hella confusing.

When I feel super self-critical and want to pick my appearance apart, I try to replace the damaging thoughts with better, healthier ones. The small, conscious reminders have become easier to make a habit, although it's tough. But hey, better fake it until you make it rather than not do it at all. Even if it's difficult for you to internalise the messages yourself, try to become a bopo spokesperson by reminding those around you how fluffed up it is for body hate to be a normal topic of discussion. Don't enable those around you to perpetuate the stigma! Be a stellar beacon of body-love and try to show yourself the same kindness, until it becomes second-nature to counter harmful thought with a uplifting/neutral one. Eventually (hopefully!), you'll be banishing your own body hatred and ascending to bopo heaven midway through eating your favourite snack while feeling foxy AF.

Unlearning mind-control is hard, and we are continuous works in progress. But love always wins.

Five Adult Retailers I'm Excited About

I get pretty excited about a lot of things, because life is too short not to be unreasonably enthusiastic about the stuff you like. As someone pretty interested in the adult product industry, I naturally swoon over certain items and retailers that might not be widely available in South Africa. Often this is due to sheer aesthetic and internet-based mythos surrounding the company, but occasionally it's because I've actually tried some of their stuff before and want to know more.

Here are my top five swoon-worthy companies that I'm mostly unfamiliar with, but would like to get to know better.

Yoni Eggs

Image source: Juliet Terblanche

I recently became aware of Knysna-based company Yoni Eggs when I saw they were being stocked by one of my favourite online retailers. Yoni eggs are made from semi-precious stones like jade and rose quartz, and are famous for being used by Chinese concubines to improve their pelvic health for sensual reasons. They've experienced a recent revival in modern culture, and have now made their way to South Africa as well. We have an interview with Juliet, the retailer responsible for bringing this product to the SA market coming to our blog soon (edit: I tried one!). Personally, I'm pretty excited that beautiful crystal eggs that help improve kegel buffness are now available to local customers.
 

Chakrubs

 Ugh, how can you not obsess over the prettiness of these pure crystal intimate aids? I love the aesthetic of the company so much, I interviewed founder Vanessa about her products with the full knowledge that I'd probably never be able to try them. I mean, just look at their Instagram account; it's glorious. As a hippie-inclined vegan, the emphasis on natural material and the sacred nature of sexuality really appeals to me, despite my own internalised concern that these qualities have been commodified in yet another saleable product. I ask myself why I want the Prism Chakrub so badly, when sexual healing and conscious empowerment is something I can attain by myself, with some designated focus on working through my own issues. The answer is, of course, "Because it's pretty." However, I do really like the care Vanessa takes with her products, and the authentic way she really lives her brand. Small-time retailers are the best.

Crave

Crave is a luxury sex-toy manufacturer whose products are largely constructed from steel and silicone. I love their emphasis on sleek, clean lines and a muted, minimalist aesthetic that makes their intimate products seem like they would be at home on a plinth at a modern art show. The first product of theirs I saw was the Vesper, a slim wearable vibrator that is made to look like artsy jewellery. It's gotten mixed reviews -- power queens are generally left wanting, but it's just so pretty, how can you not covet it? I also love their little Bullet vibe, a compact little stainless steel unit that looks so quietly unassuming, you can imagine popping it in your bag for a weekend away and not even worry when getting searched at the airport.

Organic Machine

We've worked with Organic Machine before, but this South African company really left us impressed with their attention to detail and product quality. I loved their personalised products and vegan-friendly ethos, as well as their emphasis on natural beauty. Megan La Mer, the founder and alchemist of beauty wizardry, is wonderful to talk to and is genuinely passionate about her craft. For me, it always feels so much better to support people that you know are wonderful and enthusiastic about what they do -- it just makes it so much more enjoyable to use the product itself. Megan mentioned that she's thinking of making a foray into water-based lubricant in the future, and both Minerva and I would be very excited to check this out. Personally, I love buying from local businesses, so Organic Machine will always be a priority for me.

L'Amourose

I love the unusual take L'Amorose does on classic sex toys. Like, they are what you expect, but they're designed so sculpturally, with a clear emphasis on aesthetic appeal. Their Prism range is glorious and self-standing, curving like swans' necks, and the Black Diamonds line is similarly minimalist, yet elegantly embellished. I just love classy things okay. In this case, the affection seems justified -- from what I've read, L'Amourose has some really powerful, rumbly products that do all the good things for their users. The general consensus from the sex-blogging community is that L'Amourose is basically the new Lelo of luxury toys. Except, you know, less expensive and more ethical. Win-win!

So, what are your favourite retailers to be excited about?