Review: Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation

We've worked with Satisfyer before, and they've always been a delight to deal with. So when the company offered to send us two updated versions of their Pro Penguin model in exchange for our unbiased review, we were pretty excited to tag-team this one. Minerva has tried the original Penguin and loved it, so we were keen to see what changed. Turns out all the updates were small but significantly improved user experience, which is always a win in my book.

Before we get into the real business, I just want to give a little update on the discretion (or lack thereof) I spoke about in my previous review. I'd had issue with the fact that the products were shipped in a nondescript cardboard box, but then labelled as containing vibrators -- not exactly the subtlety that one would go for when buying sex toys. Like, I don't really care so much if it's being delivered to my house, but we arranged for this parcel to go to Minerva's workplace and obviously needed more discretion. This time, Satisfyer listed the contents as "massage units," which is a definite improvement and shows that the company listens to the requests of their customers. Yay! But let's get on to the good bits of the review.

This iteration of the Pro Penguin is a more dapper take on the princess-pink debut model, with a few minor upgrades that improve user experience. While both Minerva and I love pink (we're both quite stereotypically femme, so the generic pink/purple palette of sex toys is not usually a dealbreaker to us), it is still refreshing to see some alternatives to the usual options. I am quite a fan the new colour-scheme -- not just because the toy's namesake is adorable, but because the colours are more accessible to a wider audience. The curvy hourglass shape is also very pleasing, both visually and to hold. This combines with the small (but also somehow sturdy) size and soft silicone to feel organic and ergonomic in the hand. Even the button area feels cushy and inviting to the touch. In fact, the only thing I didn't like about the toy is the fact that it comes wearing a little bow tie -- it seems fiddly and unnecessary, and I removed mine immediately. It's made out of stretchy silicone so would be pretty easy to remove and keep clean, but I honestly don't see the point in keeping it on.

Plus, having a sex toy all dressed-up just for me feels ... weird. Minerva put this unease into words when she examined her updated Penguin, saying "It feels like the bow tie makes it less of a cute animal penguin and more like the Penguin from the Batman universe." Yeah, after that image I'm thinking no thanks. It's like the toy is trying to suit up, all the better to woo me; and I can't even deny that it will succeed. This gif seems to encapsulate the feeling perfectly. Basically, I can't take the Penguin seriously when it's wearing a bow tie, and I'll definitely get far more pleasure once I inevitably attach the silicone bow to someone's gift and giggle obnoxiously for no apparent reason. But that's just me. Perhaps you might find the bow tie charming, whimsical, even cute. You might like dressy sex toys in tuxedo outfits, and that's awesome. At least Satisfyer made sure the item was removable, giving consumers a choice about it.

Like its predecessor, the new Penguin charges via USB, as indicated by the squishy silicone pad that comprises of its controls lighting up delightfully. It looks like its belly is glowing, and this pleases me greatly. The controls themselves are simple, but still an improvement on the previous iteration of the toy, which had no means to decrease intensity. The updated version has both + and - buttons, for greater control over the sensations provided. They are placed in a somewhat unusual fashion, with the + being at the top when the toy is inverted, as it would be during use. You turn it on and off by holding on the +, which does get a little confusing sometimes -- surely to turn it off you should hold down the - button? Not that this is difficult to work out or get used to, it just seems less intuitive.

To be honest, the biggest design improvement is that the removable nozzle now has a little ridge that stops it from popping out accidentally. It didn't bother Minerva too much as it never happened during use, but obviously this does create the potential of losing an essential component of a very cool toy. The revised Penguin definitely makes me feel more secure about the durability of the product -- you actually have to put a little effort into removing the nozzle, and we both feel like this is a major win for the redesign.

As for how it feels, Minerva confirmed that both versions of the Penguin seem to be comparable in terms of performance. Each has eleven different intensities, allowing the user a wide range of sensation to choose from. The combination of throbby suction/pulsation seems basically identical in both toys, with perhaps the noise level being a bit quieter. You can gradually ramp up the power in such small increments that it should suit a plethora of personal preferences, and the addition of a - button really makes a difference to general user-friendliness and also in controlling the amount of stimulation you want.

Because this toy is intense. Like, I enjoyed the Pro 2, and I feel like the vibration/air-pulsing stimulation is probably stronger in that particular model. It's larger and more powerful and I barely get past the first four settings before it becomes too much for me. Nevertheless, the Pro Penguin packs a huge amount of sensation in its deceptively cute and conveniently portable figure-of-eight shape. If you haven't tried a suction toy before, you're missing out. When placed directly over the clitoris, the Satisfyer Pro Penguin creates a sensation that has been compared to a kind of throbby, pulsating oral sex. It's not a comparison I would have made, exactly -- there's vibration involved and the whole thing just feels too far away from the visceral, organic nature of oral sex to ring true to me. However, the toy provides a really amazing feeling of building that I've never felt in more 'traditional' (ie, vibrational) stimulation. As I wrote in my Pro 2 review, it feels like the orgasm is being slowly drawn out of your body, rising gradually until the sensation becomes overwhelming,

This is where the - button comes in handy. The original Penguin models didn't have a means to cycle back down the settings, so you'd need to rip the toy from your body in a fit of post-orgasmic sensitivity to avoid over-stimulating yourself into painful oblivion. Now, however, you can just mash the - button down to facilitate a slower and more pleasurable comedown without completely stopping all sensation. It's quite a trip, and it's remarkably intense. As I've said before, suction-based toys provide orgasms that are remarkably different from those resulting from external vibration, and if you're looking for something different then they're probably worth an investment. While I love the Pro 2 and its power, I've found myself reaching for the Penguin more often just due to the convenience of its size -- it's just so compact and easy.

Afterwards, clean-up is dead simple due to the waterproof nature of the toy, and the removable nozzle allows for a really thorough scrub-down. This is a great toy in pretty much every aspect, and we love the updated design -- just as pleasurable, more functional and more intuitive than the original. Thanks again to the Satisfyer team for providing these products for our review purposes! You can check them out at the links below.

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Review: Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE Single Choker

I've spoken of my love for Bijoux Indiscrets products many times before, but my most recent obsession has been their MAZE line of bondage-inspired accessories that are perfectly on trend, utterly cruelty free, and absolutely stunning to boot. While the whole collection is beautiful, the product that really captivated my attention was the Single Choker; an understated accessory that functions as a fashionable, decorative piece of jewellery as well as a light collar for actual kink play. It's chic. It's minimalist. It's the perfect embodiment of the contemporary choker/subtle restraint trend in the current semi-alternative sartorial landscape, and I wanted one so badly.

As soon as I got some disposable income I decided to treat myself, and eventually my dream choker was firmly clasped in my clammy little paws. And wow, what a first impression. As usual, Bijoux Indiscrets provides the ultimate luxury experience for their customers. The packaging is crazy; a very pretty box with an image of the product on the underside and a subtle, labyrinth-style geometric patterning that is a beautiful visual echo of the name of the line. The choker sits inside this little nest like a gem, and it is glorious. Make from a realistic-looking vegan leather alternative, the classic O-ring design is simple while retaining a luxy element  due to the soft golden finish on the metal hardware. It fastens at the back with a sort of peg system rather than a buckle, and is adjustable up to about 40cms circumference. Those who have very slender necks might find this choker a bit loose, but it does mean that larger bodies will also be able to enjoy this accessory. Yay for accessible plus-size fashion!

The look and effect of this choker is something I can't quite get over -- it rounds out any outfit, makes it edgier, more finished, just plain more. Because the design is the embodiment of simplicity, it doesn't read like a BDSM-inspired accessory, and I feel comfortable enough to wear this piece in pretty much any context. It's even made a few appearances at work and gotten more than a few compliments. I think the gentle gold tones help soften the overall effect, making it less harsh than the traditional black-and-silver which is so often associated with darker/alternative fashions. It also helps that the style is something being sold in less durable iterations in mainstream stores ranging from Forever 21, H&M, and Woolworths, to no-name trinket stores with off-brand fashion jewellery. The aesthetic is a fairly recognisable facet of contemporary style at this point, and is therefore acceptable for most public occasions.

Personally, I wear mine all the time and found this choker very comfortable, although it did take a little while to get used to. I experimented with tighter and looser fits at first, trying to find what felt the best. A tighter fit allowed me to have a classic collar-style look, fitting snugly around my neck with the O-ring firmly pressed to my throat. It probably looked the way the designer intended -- a little provocative, but still classy. However, the metal ring ended up pressing a bit firmly against my oesophagus and creating a touch of neck-splooge if I moved my head around in weird ways, and it ended up feeling a bit too constrictive at times. I ended up switching between tighter/looser fits during daily wear until I realised that the vegan leather had stretched a tiny little bit to fit my neck beautifully, without being too snug even on the tighter notch. Now that it has moulded to my skin a bit, I've found it so comfortable that I almost forget I even have it on.

The only negative aspect of this choker is the slight mark it leaves behind after being worn for extended periods. I don't mean an impression on the skin from being worn too tightly, I'm talking about some dye "rub off" from the faux leather areas. I only seem to get this right on the front bit, around the O-ring. The effect is of two little dirty smudges on either side of my oesophagus, and I'm not certain why it only comes off on that part of my neck when the remainder of the vegan leather is exposed to just as much perspiration and skin-ooze. My initial conclusion was that perhaps it's something to do with the toiletries I use -- body lotion, perhaps, or a spot of perfume sprayed in the general neck/décolletage area. However, Emmeline Peaches had the same complaint about her MAZE product, so perhaps it is just something about the dyes. Who knows! Either way, the inner band of the choker hasn't seemed to have lost any colour or otherwise degraded in any way. To be honest, it hasn't bothered me enough to actually take any action yet, but Ms Peaches does suggest a light scrub with a mild soapy washcloth to stop the transfer.

Overall, I'd recommend this product to anyone looking for a beautiful and entirely on-trend fashion accessory. Serious kinksters might not find the choker suitable for actual play, but it might work as a day collar for those who need to keep their lifestyle on the DL, or perhaps as a cruelty-free alternative to leather products. In any case, I am so pleased that the classic Single Choker is finally mine. It's been my dream accessory since the launch of the Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE line, and I've worn it almost daily. It accrues compliments on a regular basis, and makes me feel like the fabulous Insta-worthy siren of my teen dreams. We all need to live our dreams at some point.