Featured: Bijoux Indiscrets Round-up

I've been lucky to have gotten a number of Bijoux Indiscrets products for review from the two sites I guest for, and I'm feeling particularly grateful because I genuinely love the brand. Their products are fancy, flirty, and forever possessing classic style, so what's not to love?

If you've ever been interested in the Bijoux Indiscrets range, but maybe wanted to check out the slightly more affordable options first, you can see what I thought about some of their beautiful roleplay accessories below (and a bonus look into their large-scale project about female pleasure).

 

Sequined Burlesque Pasties

Read the full review here.

...The caps almost mimic a sense of being clothed due to their substantial nature, but still provide the freedom and comfort of going without a bra. I really liked the way they shimmered as my body moved; ambient light gleaming off the sequins and drawing attention exactly where it needed to be. 

My partner was similarly impressed. Initially he didn’t seem sure of what he was looking at, but when he realised what they were he was very intrigued, especially because I feel less naked and more inclined to be casually topless when I’m wearing them. We’ve also been having a heat wave so I tend to wear the Bijoux Indiscrets Sequin Burlesque Pasties pretty often these days, and haven’t been hearing any complaints. 

The Bijoux Indiscrets Sequin Burlesque Pasties allow me to imagine myself as possessing old Hollywood glamour when I’m thus adorned, even though the reality is that I’m actually just beached on the couch in a film of my own sweat and pretty sparklies don’t quite negate that mental image.

Kristine Vinyl Mask

Read the full review here.

In use, I found that the adhesive stickers are pretty strong, doing a good job of not allowing the mask to flop off my face despite the heavy moisturiser I use. I can imagine that wearing foundation would make keeping it secure a touch harder though, but you can always add more stickers if necessary. I really loved how the Kristine mask isn’t held up by anything external to the design. There’s no awkward piece of elastic that goes around your head and looks sloppy, no pins, no heaviness of the mask itself. Just a pure sense of weightless, like I was peering out through a delicate geometric cage. The mask doesn’t obscure too much of your vision, but I did find myself very aware of the way my eyes were partially covered but simultaneously highlighted. It was a pretty cool feeling! I loved the way it immediately made me look mysterious and a little aloof, despite the fact that I was still in my pyjamas, and I could easily imagine wearing it as part of a fancy-dress outfit or sensual roleplay encounter.

Magnifique Waist Chain

Read the full review here.

 

 

Putting on the chain is easy, just hold it over your body and adjust until you feel comfortable and sexayyy. Bijoux has a few suggestions for placement, namely around the waist with the centre circle aligned with your spine and the descending loops cascading over your butt; pulled over one hip with the loops falling on either side; or around your chest with the circle between your breasts. I think this last one is my favourite, because that’s some serious Princess Jasmine shit. I like the way it almost cups my breasts without digging in uncomfortably, allowing the chains to dangle and fall freely. This looks awesome with a bra, and even better without.

Wearing it this way makes me feel like a sensual belly-dancer because of the way the chains react to movement. They jiggle against your skin with every step you take, making you supremely conscious of what you’re wearing and how you’re moving. It’s a wonderful, tactile reminder of what you’re wearing, and why.

The Fiction vs Reality in Sex Project

Read the full article here.

Lastly, I wrote an article about the Bijoux Indiscrets Fiction vs Reality in Sex project and accompanying Orgasm Library of Real Sound, which is exactly what it sounds like. I'd strongly encourage you to check it out if you're interested in experiencing the diversity of female pleasure. Here's an excerpt:

As a way to express their pleasure and make their partners feel good, women might exaggerate their vocal feedback during sex. How else do you know she’s enjoying herself?

This is the great irony of sex. Your partner’s happiness makes you happy, but your partner might be faking it just to please you, because pleasing you makes them happy. This kind of backwardness could only be a product of sex education rooted in precaution, fear, and biology, rather than how it actually feels to have an intimate, sexual encounter. Relationships! Pleasure! Emotional wellbeing! All of this is neglected in favour of sterile anatomy drawings and pictures of pus-filled blisters. Add a culture of conflicting societal messages about sex, a healthy dose of shame, and you’re all set for a confusing experience. It’s no wonder we try replicate the fictions that appeal to us. The trouble is, we keep telling stories that are not our own.

Cue, the Orgasm Library of Real Sounds, an online repository of actual recordings of women having genuine sexual experiences. It’s that simple. It’s that beautiful. You can upload a sound clip anonymously, title it and tag it, and the website generates a gorgeous depiction of your climax.

 

Review: Organic Machine Lubricants

Organic Machine is a Johannesburg-based, all natural, vegan manufacturer of beauty and sensual products founded and run by Megan la Mer. I first found out about the company when Minerva linked me to their online store. She thought I would be interested in the company's ethos, and what can I say -- she knows me. While Minerva is not vegan, she is cruelty-free, and we're both constantly cruising for businesses that correspond with our ethical lifestyles. Organic Machine definitely fits this bill.

I was particularly interested in Organic Machine's natural lubes because I'm always looking for healthy, chemical-free alternatives to glycerine-based rubbish. Don't get me wrong -- silicone-based lubricants are great, but they're not compatible with silicone toys. And it's way too difficult to find a good, paraben-free water-based lube for less than R200. Generally, oil-based lubes are a no-no for vulvas, as low-quality mineral oils like those found in baby oil and Vaseline trap bacteria and increase the likelihood of yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis and other nasty things that will make you have a very bad time. Coconut oil, which has an almost cultish following in the Banting/LCHF community, has natural anti-bacterial and anti-fungal properties that negate the spawning of nasties in and around your genitalia. It also won't clog your pores like mineral oils will. Magic!

I reached out to Megan and asked if she would be interested in sending us some of the sensual products for review, which she generously did. Like the rest of their range, Organic Machine's sensual accessories are made from all-natural, plant-based ingredients that are even safe enough to eat. They are, however, oil based and are therefore should not be used with latex barriers. Pro tip: oil-based lubricants degrade latex condoms and can cause breakage, so if you are a condom-user, switch to non-latex alternatives like Skyn so that you don't have any bad surprises.

We were lucky enough to receive sample sizes of each of the Organic Machine lubricants (Glide, Peak, and the bonus edible body butter Lickable), as well as a full-sized tub of their massage oil in exchange for our unbiased feedback. Just a heads up: the sample-sized packaging in these photos is not standard retail issue. I included the Love Butter to give an idea of what to expect when you get the real deal.

Glide

Glide is the foundation upon which Peak and Lickable are built. It's made from cold-pressed coconut oil, shea butter, cacao butter, fair-trade cacao powder and vitamin E oil. All the ingredients except the Vitamin E are organic, which made my little hippie heart sing. We got ours in cute little mini-tubs like the ones eye-cream come in, which were perfectly and neatly labelled with all the necessary branding, ingredients, directions, as well as the Beauty Without Cruelty logo. I loved the fact that so much care and attention went into even these unofficial samples.

Glide has a waxy, slightly tan-coloured appearance and a mild, creamy scent that reminds me equally of beauty products and food. I thought it would be hard at room temperature, and presumed I'd need to dig it out of the teensy tub with the back of a spoon, but it was pleasantly easy to remove with the scoop of a finger. Due to the other ingredients it doesn't go quite as rock-solid as coconut oil, maintaining a thick, buttery texture that's easy to spread -- especially once it comes into contact with your body heat.

As this was my first experience with coconut oil lube, I was really surprised at how easily it melted into my skin, providing a slick, lubricated surface for clitoral or vaginal play. It lasted absolutely ages, and had a cushioney texture similar to silicone-based lube -- thick and hardy with no fear of drying out. If you're into rigid toys or are just sensitive in general, you'll really dig the substantial feeling of the lube. The creaminess feels like it creates a protective barrier that soothes, lubricates and shields delicate tissues from harm. The cherry on top is that you can also get a version with glow-in-the-dark branding, to reduce awkward fumbles during low-light encounters! What will they think of next.

Peak

This was actually the first of the lubricants I tried, out of curiosity for the enhanced sensations it advertised. Minerva is a fan of the cool-feeling, tingly lubes I'd never had the chance to try due to my sensitivity to glycerine and general distrust of non-essential ingredients. Peak has the same composition as Glide, but with added organic peppermint oil, which is meant to increase bloodflow and heighten sensitivity. It has the same appearance and consistency as Glide, but smells wonderfully minty and vaguely like Peppermint Crisp.

The texture is identical to Glide, melting easily and spreading a wonderfully refreshing coolness wherever applied. The first time I tried it was mid session, and something about the thickness was incredibly soothing to the slightly aggravated tissues. Immediately after the initial cooling feeling, the tingles started -- sort of like the feeling you get when you chew minty gum. I wouldn't say it increased my sensitivity in terms of orgasmic capability, but the tingles were interesting to focus on. Imagine it as a mindfulness aid, bringing your awareness to your clitoris or glans or wherever you choose to place it and allowing you to really concentrate on and appreciate those body parts. This is probably my favourite of the three, and I plan to invest in a full-sized tub the next time I need to stock up on lube. 

Lickable

Initially, I thought Lickable was Organic Machine's alternative to flavoured lube, but was informed that it's actually an edible body butter. Close enough? Anyway, the website advises you to "apply to 4 parts of your body, tell your partner there are 5, they must find them.” Sounds like a fun game! It certainly smells awesome; a sweet, cocoa-y foodish smell that isn't exactly like chocolate, but very similar. The basic formula is almost the same as the lubricants, with the addition of organic grapefruit oil which I presume adds the slightly sweeter scent.

The first thing I did was scoop up a little bit of the caramel-coloured paste onto my fingernail and taste it. It sort of tastes like ... well, like the echo of chocolate. It's not delicious by any stretch, only vaguely pleasant. It is almost sweetish, and almost chocolatey, but also not really. The texture straight from the tub is a little waxy, but obviously it also melts incredibly easily and loses this somewhat unpleasant mouth-feel when licked off skin instead. To be honest, I won't be using this as a flavoured body butter in my own moisturising shenanigans, but founder Megan told me that some of her clients use it as lip balm. Perfect solution!

Final thoughts

I loved trying out all these different varieties of cruelty-free, natural lubricants that are locally handmade with a lot of care and attention to detail by the founder herself. They impressed me at every turn, even maintaining their consistency when I left them stranded in my bag in a hot car. Currently, my only internal toy is the Pure Wand, and I prefer whatever lubricant used with it to provide the long-lasting cushioning effect that Organic Machine does so well. I've only used it vaginally, but I can see why Organic Machine describes it as being good for anal use. The long-lasting thickness would really be helpful in sticking around to protect the sensitive areas from any strain caused by enthusiastic play.

And what about Minerva? She also got sample-sized mini-tubs of each lubricant, but found that they didn't quite work for her personal tastes. It seemed that she disliked everything I actively loved about these lubricants, proving that even besties can disagree on perfectly viable products. While she loved the scent and texture of Glide, comparing it to a really good moisturiser, she disliked the creaminess of the consistency. As a lass who'd previously only used water-based lubricants, she favours a little extra slipperiness but doesn't care for the thicker, more textured feel. While body cleanup for me was just a thorough wipe, she felt the need to actually wash the oily residue off her skin. Ironically, this soft, moisturised feeling left by the natural oils was one of the aspects that was attractive to me!

The one thing we agreed on was Lickable, which she compared to tasting like a cocoa-butter moisturiser -- not overly flavourful and rather meh for eating. She also enjoys the sensations provided by Peak, but it still wasn't enough to make her an oil-based convert, as she still had to add some regular water-based lube to make the sensations more tolerable. However, it's not all bad! She loves the cute packaging, the way the products smell, and the brand's commitment to ethical, natural, cruelty-free products.

Personally, I would recommend this lube to anyone looking for a thick, hardy, non-silicone lube that won't hurt your body. Even though it wasn't Minerva's cup of tea, she would happily recommend it to those who want an ethical, body-safe, organic lube for those who don't mind a bit of residue.

You can purchase Glide, Peak and Lickable directly from the Organic Machine website, or from one of their stockists.

Clicks Pharmacy, Mainstream Sex-Stop

Image source: Clicks website

Ever wondered whether you can get sexy things at non-sexy stores?

We’ve referenced Clicks Pharmacy on our blog before, despite just as a post title. For reals though, both Minerva and I like Clicks, primarily because it's an excellent catch-all stop for most of your sexual wellness needs. Vulva-friendly washes, intimate accessories, condoms -- it's all there. We also really like how you can occasionally catch a three-for-two special where you can load up on necessities in one cost-effective swoop. While there's no shame in going to an actual adult shop, it's often more convenient to just grab your intimate accessories along with regular goods while you're out. Plus, not everyone has close access to lovely sex stores that don't make them feel uncomfortable.

Lube

I’ve already reviewed the Bijoux Indiscrets Twenty One silicone lube, which I loved but couldn’t possibly recommend due to the whopping price tag. However, for those who enjoy using non-silicone toys or want a long-lasting, glycerine-free lubricant to use during partnered intimacy, silicone-based lubricants are a wonderful investment. Clicks does a silicone lube that is free of harmful ingredients as well as being incredibly affordable for the average customer, retailing at R109 (at the time of my purchase). Previously, I had struggled to find any silicone lubes at an adult retailer for less than R200, so this really was a better fit for my budget. They do have a bunch of water-based lubes as well, but they're all unfortunately glycerine-based and unsuitable for me. If you have tried similar lubricants before with no ill effects, you'll probably be fine. I just don't like tempting fate.

Toys

Ever needed an emergency sex toy? If you're just wanting to try it out or if you meant to bring one for an intimate encounter and forgot, Clicks has their own line of little bullet vibes and C-rings, and once I even saw the We-Vibe 4 sitting discreetly on the bottom shelf. Obviously, a brand like We-Vibe was a casual grand or so, but it was still there, an actual sex toy in a regular pharmacy, not hidden away in an adult store. However, if you’re just popping in for last-minute supplies, the easy availability and price-range of the Clicks intimate products mean that you can get a sex toy that will probably do the job in a pinch, or at least add an extra element to play. And yes, they’re probably not going to be the most durable products, but I feel the convenience-factor balances that out.

My one caveat with the line is that the website describes anal use in the instructions for the bullet vibe. While I'm pleased with their genderless language and inclusivity, the bullet is clearly unsuitable for anal insertion due to the lack of a flared base that would prevent it from being lodged inside the user. Fight misinformation and avoidable hospital trips!

The most obvious competitor for readily-available and inexpensive toys is Durex, who also started making single-use C-rings that you can get almost anywhere, including regular grocery shops. I’ve even seen these products sitting at the counter in petrol stations, so they’re pretty widely available. They are disposable though, and currently only include C-rings due to Durex's emphasis on penile products. So if you'd like a purely clitoral vibe, try out the Clicks one.

Condoms

As a person who isn't particularly interested in PIV sex, condoms aren't really high on my list of priorities. Nevertheless, the majority of the population requires barriers to feel confident that the sex they are engaging in has a reduced risk of STI's and pregnancy, so it's important to stock up.

Image source: Clicks website

But condoms can get expensive, especially if you engage in regular sex. What is really cool is that you can just bulk-buy your preferred brand when there's a 3-for-2 special, and I do like the way that they stock the Skyn brand of latex-free condoms for those with allergies. I haven't noticed regular shops consistently stocking latex-free alternatives, so this is a really excellent place to pick up your necessities without needing to scour the earth for protection that won't hurt during sex.


Overall, both Minerva and I love checking out the wide array of sensual options available at a regular chain pharmacy, and we both recommend it as a great alternative to a trip to a (possibly seedy) local sex store.

Featured: Five Weird Sexual Studies

I'm a big fan of books, and especially love to read about the stuff that interests me. When I heard about journalist Mary Roach's series of themed nonfiction, I read everything I could get my hands on. While her writing always has a strong undercurrent of humour, the subject that provided the greatest wealth of humorous material was the science of human sexuality.

Bonk provided the inspiration for my weird science article at Slutty Girl Problems. The book itself was dry and funny, providing a fairly comprehensive account of the strange ways in which science has interacted with sex. Roach has covered many of these in her TED talk, but the book is packed with fascinating information about the strangest ways that human intimacy has been prodded in a lab. I discuss my favourites in my article, including gems like:

Polyester is bad for rat libido's, and yours.

Masturbating with dildo-cameras -- for science!

Your height might be liked to your ability to climax during PIV sex.

Penises are shaped like boomerangs, and other MRI discoveries.

Science labs occasionally need sex toys to figure out evolution.

Interested in learning more marginally off-colour conversation starters? Read the full article here.

Review: Bijoux Indiscrets Twenty One Silicone Lube

Lube, to me, has always seemed unnecessary. I could understand why other people used and enjoyed it, but they probably experienced painful sex, a lack of their own natural lubrication, or perhaps they were circumcised and enjoyed the frictionless feel. However, I never felt like I needed it in my life, despite all the accounts I’d read about how it changed so many people’s sexual encounters. When I got my first set of kegel balls, though, I needed to invest.

So I bought a tube of KY Jelly from the pharmacy.

Looking back I’m amazed at my poor choices, but I genuinely didn’t know any better. Only much later I found out about the fallibilities of glycerine-based lubricant, how it can cause yeast infections (because sugar), as well as the general poorness of KY for sensual use. KY Jelly was invented for brief medical examinations; it wasn’t made to withstand actual intimate encounters or last particularly long. However, when I got my Pure Wand, it was far past the point where I should have invested in something better.

Enter the Bijoux Indiscrets Twenty One silicone lube, the classy companion to their first vibrator. I was fortunate enough to win a Bijoux hamper in a competition, and it allowed me to test out silicone lube for the first time. The company advertises it as a dual-purpose lube/massage gel combination, and I confess that I haven’t really tried the latter – it seemed too good to waste when there are more easily-affordable massage oils that work just fine. This was also my first experience with silicone lube, which lasts far longer than water-based equivalents because it doesn’t dry out or get absorbed by the body. It also isn’t water soluble, so it will stay put. Of course, this means that you need to actually wash it off with soap instead of doing a quick rinse with water – something my partner discovered when he went to go shower and said “Um … it won’t come off.”

Another important caveat is that silicone lube should never be used with silicone sex toys, because it will cause the material of the sex toy to ‘melt’ and become tacky, possibly ruining your expensive pretties. And nobody wants that. It’s still compatible with ABS plastic or materials like steel or glass, so worth investing in especially if you enjoy rigid toys that need a little extra help with insertion. Keep your silicone sex toys safe and stick to water-based lubricants – your pleasure toys will thank you for it.

 

 

Packaging is the Bijoux Indiscrets forte, and their Twenty One lube comes in a frosted glass bottle with gold accents, like fancy perfume or the high-end facial serum normal people can never afford. Two caps are included, a screw-top for pouring and a pump nozzle for easy measurement. I mostly just use the latter; three pumps are usually ample because the lube is so long lasting. The texture of the lube is silky and lush, as I would expect silicone lubricants to be; but it’s not ‘thick’ or incredibly cohesive, retaining a runnier consistency that allows for easy spreading. While it’s not exactly drippy, it will start escaping if you apply it to your toy and get distracted. I mostly use this to my advantage and twirl my Pure Wand around like a fairy princess, allowing the Twenty One lube to slowly coat the areas I want it to.

In use, it delivers exactly as it’s meant to, providing a long-lasting, frictionless glide that accentuates your intimate interactions. It has no discernible odour or taste, although the texture is pretty slimy in your mouth, and I don't like the 'coated' feeling left behind, despite the fact that it tends to disappear fast. I also felt like it provided more of a ‘cushioning’ effect than water-based lubes due to its comparative viscosity, which is really great for harder toys like my Pure Wand. Afterwards, a slight silky residue remains on the skin, which didn’t particularly bother me – vaginas are self-cleaning and will sort themselves out, and any ‘spillage’ onto vulvar regions wasn’t noticeable enough for me to feel uncomfortable and disappeared after a shower anyway. Penis-owners, however, might find the residual aftermath a little tacky and want to clean up soon.

All in all, I genuinely enjoyed my first exposure to silicone lube, and I’m grateful it was by one of my favourite brands. Although not particularly necessary for use, everyone loves classy packaging; it echoes the sensuality which the product is meant for and appeals to the eye as well as to the touch. However, fancy frosted bottles with gold accents come with a price; and a hefty one at that. When I checked out the retail price of the Twenty One lubricant via Matilda’s, I was shocked to see it sitting at almost R800! This was astounding to me, as you can buy a whole toy for that price. That factor alone would be a major caveat for me to recommend this lube to any regular human, no matter how much they love their luxury intimate products. As pretty and discreet as it would look on your bedside table, you’d need to be living a genuinely fabulous life in order to make this your go-to lube.

Review: Njoy Pure Wand

We all have issues that inform our preferences. Mine relate to representational sex toys. Despite all the work I've put into trying to overcome sexual trauma and sex negativity, I find penis-shaped toys off-putting. Although I understand that functionality and effect is more important than how the product looks, I still can’t really bring myself to be okay with more ‘realistic’ designs just yet.

So when I started thinking of an internal toy, I really wanted something that was both abstract and effective. Something not too obviously shaped like what's commonly understood as a 'classic' internal toy, and preferably G-spotty. That would be great.

 

Enter the njoy Pure Wand. Curved like a comma, dual-sided, made from 680 grams of shiny stainless steel and renowned for its ability to produce eye-meltingly intense orgasms; the Pure Wand has the reputation of being one of the best G-spot toys in the business. Legend has it that the wand was originally designed as a prostate stimulation tool, until some pretty smart people figured out that it could be used vaginally as well. I am so pleased they did. Plus, it’s called a wand, not a dildo, and while there's no shame in terminology, the princess in me thinks "wand" sounds pretty. Due to its solid steel shine and crazy curve, the Pure Wand has a pronounced sci-fi aesthetic that is really quite beautiful, in a Matrix sort of way. It looks like it could be a table centrepiece or a work of abstract art rather than a sex toy. It also looks like it could be an excellent bludgeoning device for unwanted intruders.

As for me, I wanted this toy so much, I even signed up for temp work especially to pay for it. Before I even used it, I loved it; although this was partially due to the packaging. The Pure Wand, like all of njoy’s products, comes in a fancy black box with the company logo imprinted discretely in silver on the lid. Upon opening, the Pure Wand is nestled in pink satin and moulded polystyrene, and it’s glorious. I swear I heard the soft humming of angels when I flipped the lid and saw the smooth, gleaming steel magnificently presented in amongst all that satin. The toy itself comes with a little booklet advertising the njoy range and nothing else – I mean, there’s no settings to learn, no chargers, the storage is provided by the very pretty box, and there’s no real need for a warranty because it’s solid freaking steel. Your house could burn down and you would be able to pick the Pure Wand, charred and glowing but otherwise unharmed, from the wreckage that was your life.

As it is, those new to steel toys will need some time to adjust to the unique properties of the material. The weighty steel is cool to the touch (obviously) and needs a little warming to feel comfortable. Despite the finish feeling very smooth and glidey just in itself, it’s a good idea not to skimp on the lube. The stainless steel is compatible with all lubricants, just by the by, so go wild with whichever is your preference. All it needs for clean-up is soap and water, and you can sterilise it in boiling water or a 10% bleach solution between partners / orifices for extra safety. Oh, the marvels of technology and modern metalwork.

As reassuring as all this is, the Pure Wand takes some time getting used to. After all the gushing reviews I’d read online, I sort of expected it to feel like I was having an out-of-body experience. The shape, it seems, is no coincidence: the Pure Wand has a learning curve. Initially, I was a little intimidated by the larger end so stuck to the smaller bulb for safety’s sake. That bit is supposedly designed for prostates, but screw your gender norms. Initially, you might find the angles a bit weird; that curve is pretty intense and I definitely struggled with figuring out what worked for me. Like .. do you rock the wand so that it presses upwards? Do you move it in a more thrusty fashion? Where feels best? Who knows! I sure didn’t, and I thought I was familiar with my G-spot. Using the small end also felt a bit counter-intuitive because the thicker bit doesn’t function quite as well as a handle; the weight of the toy works against you even when you’re already resting your arm on your thigh and after quite some time trying to figure things out you just kind of get tired. Because the Wand actually didn’t do anything for me at all at first, and I didn’t know why. It seemed to work for everyone on the internet.

All is not lost, though. With time, I eventually figured out what my bod liked, and it involves some dual stimulation from a separate external vibe – which is obvious, really, but I thought from rave reviews online that it would sort of be akin to sorcery. Like, I’d wave my magic Pure Wand and be granted the power of glorious orgasms. But alas. For me, this toy required time and persistence to get to a point where I appreciated the Pure Wand as more than just a beautiful object. Only recently does it feel like I have gotten past the “what am I doing with my life” musings and through to the “this is good and getting better” phase, and it seems like there’s more to come. At one point, I even felt the inklings of that fabled needing-to-pee sensation that I'm hoping will turn into something awesome with time.

If you are experienced in G-spot toys and play, it might be more instant gratification for you. If not, you might need some perseverance in adequately unlocking the powers of this magic wand. The njoy Pure Wand feels like a quest I have undertaken, a noble errand I am determined to complete, along with all the side-missions and associated character development that entails.

Sex Toys and Sex Positivity

Why do sex toys matter when it comes to one's own sex positivity? In our respective journeys into feminism and sexual awareness, both Minerva and I have found adult products instrumental in exploring what works for us. They've taught us more about our bodies and how they work, and they've opened our minds to exploring sensation.

But I get why it might not work for you. Personally, I was once horrified at the thought of adding intimate accessories to my life. I'd internalised a kind of stigma about sex toys; that they were all tacky and gross, shaped like penises or otherwise just plain unpleasant-looking. I'd also sublimated a healthy dollop of shame about my sexuality, and sex in general (thanks, conservative South Africa!). The idea of actually owning things meant for that purpose -- things that might be found! -- was shameful and unsettling. In my younger years, I tried to separate myself from my body as much as possible, under the assumption that sexuality and sexual pleasure was morally wrong. The entire purpose of sex toys is centred in physicality and enjoyment, and this made me profoundly uncomfortable. All that stuff was just wrong. The first time I went into an Adult World (to buy opera-length fishnet gloves for a Gothtastic friend), I was physically shaking. I went in a few more times with later partners for a bit of a giggle, but could never brave the dvd sections or look at the flesh-coloured accessories for too long. The very air made me feel dirty.

No wonder. Adult World is disgusting.

Minerva began branching into toys before I did. We came from approximately similar positions in terms of our initial prejudices about sexuality, so it was interesting to see her explore. The experience of your peers really does influence your own, and when she recommended an online retailer, I was surprised at the lack of disgust the site engendered in me. What can I say -- she has good taste.

The final push was my partner at the time gently encouraging me to invest in something for myself. For once, I actually considered it. I'd often had discussions with that particular partner about my frequent inability to climax, and how frustrating it was. Eventually, I decided to buy a set of kegel balls, which didn't seem so scary. I mean, kegel exercisers are for health reasons, right? They're practically mandatory for a person who often forgets to do them manually.

After that, investing in vibrators didn't induce the fear and shame it once had. It also helped that my personal growth as a feminist had progressed to the point where the pursuit of pleasure seemed less of a shameful secret and increasingly more a point of honour; a giant middle finger to the repressive patriarchal messages I'd somehow absorbed growing up. Slowly, the awareness of the purpose of a body filtered into my understanding. You have one body, and it's designed to do certain things, and therefore those things should not be shameful (unless they bring non-consensual harm onto others). You have one body, and it's your truest living space, and therefore you should do what you want to do with it and in it. You have one body. It shouldn't be compared to anyone else's, or hold you back from doing something you want to do out of self-consciousness.

Everyone only has the body they're born in, to work with and modify and decorate as they see fit, but hopefully with the intention of making it more comfortable to live inside. This is why I began to see sex positivity as important -- consensual sexuality is an intersectional, feminist, all-inclusive right. And, of course, I would not have developed the way that I have without the guiding influence of critically-minded friends.

I am still learning, and the journey ahead will no doubt just be as exciting as what has already come to pass.