Story Time: STI Test Adventures

Happy holidays, guys! I realise this isn't exactly a festive topic, but it's the first time since my (very spotty) internet access has been available, so it's time to celebrate with a post I've had in a Word doc for a week or so.

Recently, I checked my medical aid balance and found it was pretty loaded (thankfully been blessed with good health this year), so it was a good excuse to go on a mass-test adventure. I like to get STI tested after every partner, but just hadn't gotten around to it after my last breakup. In the interim, I learnt some new things about the way STI tests work that allowed me to better educate myself, and it's not exactly what we've been taught in mainstream education. Gather ‘round children, while I tell you my tale.

Incomplete Information

Getting a full battery of STI tests should be pretty easy – I mean, we’ve been encouraged to be responsible since school. You know, you have some sex ed in Biology or Life Orientation and they tell you to get tested before or after every new sexual partner, even if you practise safer sex. Despite this, STI tests can be expensive and inaccessible – basically the opposite of what they should be. Sadly, it can be difficult to get decent information on what sort of tests are available.

After each partner, I dutifully made an appointment to get “a full spectrum” of tests with my doctor. Each time, she drew three little vials of blood, and each time I felt safer, empowered with my knowledge. That and regular pap smears left me feeling like I was doing the right thing, being informed about my sexual health, trying to make good decisions. I felt like I was being proactive.

Unfortunately, I was wrong. It turns out that even if you go in asking for all of the tests, it’s unlikely that you’ll get them. You need to make specific requests and basically go in with a checklist of everything you want looked at. Silly me – when I asked for every test and only had three vials of blood drawn, I was only getting three tests done. I thought I was being so responsible and informed, but layman’s ignorance gets in the way sometimes. I trusted my doctor to follow my requests, or at least talk me through the process when it was clear that there was a gap in my knowledge, but the most that happened was that I got a little judged for trying to be responsible. Yep. When I went in the first time, she obviously asked if I was getting the tests due to any high-risk behaviour, but because I don’t engage in penetrative sex she told me she wasn’t going to test me for syphilis. Which, like, okay, I understand the logic – it’s a lower-risk situation, and perhaps my doctor was trying to save me money. But it was going against my request, and she didn’t offer any explanation that would help me understand her motivation.

[also: I get irritated when medical professionals assume they know me with no prior information. Don't ask if I have a boyfriend right now because I might have a girlfriend, and don't presume I haven't got syphilis. I might. This is why I'm getting tested.]

Learning Experience

I actually discovered the gaps in my knowledge through the sex-positive community online, and started reading up about all the tests available. I ended up using this nifty checklist as a guideline, but hey, each bod is different. In my case, I had already gotten a regular HSV pap smear earlier this year, so requested chlamydia, gonorrhoea, syphilis, Hepatitis A, B, and C, bacterial vaginosis, and trichomoniasis. I also asked to be checked for HSV (Herpes) 2 only, because I already know I have HSV 1 orally and that it is far less likely for an infected person to contract the same strain genitally, because your body has existing defences. My GP also explained that there was a way to see if you'd contracted chlamydia in the past, so I requested that as well. All were done via blood analysis, except for BV, which is tested through cervical swab as with a pap smear. The only other thing I knowingly didn't request was an HIV test, as those were offered for free at my previous institution and I had one done pretty recently.

You might be thinking, dang, that's a lot of tests. And you would be correct! Well done. It's a fair fistful of tiny vials, each of them contributing to the cost. I'm one of the fortunate ones who has medical aid that covers these claims, so I didn't need to pay for my consultation or the tests themselves. The total cost, including the appointment, came to a shocking R2866.00! I'm not sure what the South African alternatives would be, but I'm fairly certain you could get them done at a government clinic. However, it seems logical to assume that it would depend on the discretion of the doctor administering them. My GP knew going in that I was a low-risk patient with no symptoms and no concerns following an unprotected encounter, but that I wanted to do it anyway for my own personal satisfaction. Try telling that to a harried doctor in an understaffed government-funded clinic – they'd probably do a quick HIV finger-prick test and send you on your way. It's unfortunate that we're told as teens that it's so responsible to get tested, to be careful, and yet the facilities that assist with this are so inaccessible to most of us.

My appointment was on a Wednesday, and was told to expect my results via phone call that Friday or the following Monday. My GP ended up sending an email that Tuesday because I missed the call, but I felt very reassured to have gotten what I believe to be the most informed care I've yet to receive. Although it was probably unnecessary to get so many done, it made me feel better to be educated, and, should I continue my established practices with my current partner, I won't need to do so many tests in the near future.

Does anyone have any additional information or tips and tricks? Anyone ever explored the government/free options? Educate me!

Current Obsessions: A Wishlist

My posting regularity has really slowed down -- apologies for that! But I have been drafting a few ideas when I have the time and inclination. Recently, I've put a lot of thought into the gaps in my collection -- and what I'd like to try next.

 

NobEssence Fling

First up is an item I'll probably never get to try, mostly due to the manufacturing process. Each item by this company is hand-carved from wood and sealed with some kind of fancy space-varnish to ensure maximum hygiene and safety. Basically, it's a time-consuming and expensive procedure. Either way, I am fascinated by the shape of the NobEssence original Fling – it looks so ergonomic with its smooth, clean lines and gently tapering handle. I feel like this would be a great travel toy due to the unconventional choice of shape and material – it looks more like something you'd use to knead stubborn knots out your back than for masturbation, and the fact that it's made out of wood means that it won't set off any metal detectors if you need to go on a plane. Handy! It also just looks like a great little G-spot toy, and I love the way that it slims down to mimic and match the vaginal entrance as well. A girl can dream.

 

Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE line

We've reviewed multiple Bijoux Indiscrets products before, most recently their MAZE choker. It's so beautiful and I really want to try some of their more elaborate pieces in this bondage-inspired collection of functional accessories. While I personally prefer a kind of toned-down style and thus enjoy less bombastic accessories, I'm a huge fan of both the X-Harness and the suspender belt that made their debut earlier this year. More recently, the line has been expanded to include an utterly gorgeous chest harness as well. Beautiful! Fashionable! And best of all, vegan!

BS Atelier G-Spot

Courtesy of Black Friday sales, I managed to purchase my first dildo (review pending), but have also had my eye on the BS Atelier series of curved G-spotters. I love the candy-coloured whimsy of the Tokyo, but the only local stockist I can find has a single size, and in light of my recent purchase, I feel like I need something a bit smaller in diameter. The only suitable alternative I can find comes in Magenta – which, like, is cool and everything, but I really would have preferred the fruity tones of the Tokyo. I actually genuinely like pink, but only certain shades, and the Magenta is a bit … bold for me. If it was glittery it would be a different story. Give me pink glitter, or give me death! Despite this, I'm super interested in giving this shape a try in a smaller size.

 

We-Vibe Gala

The only We-Vibe product I've tried so far is the classic Tango, and it is literally the only item in my collection that would be a non-negotiable must-have should anything need to be replaced. I'm super keen to try out the pronged shape of the Gala, which should (in theory) stimulate the crura of the clitoris while also cradling the external head. Did We-Vibe manage to pack the power of a Tango into two pinpoint nodes that will cradle all your external genitalia with thuddy vibrational glory? I don't know! But I am willing to try it out – for science.

What's on your wishlist?

Eco-Friendly Menstrual Products Masterpost

 Wow, it's been a while since our last post! Technical difficulties have kept me from posting as frequently as I'd like, but hey -- let's not get into that. Let's focus on the post today. Recently(ish), online wellness retailer Faithful to Nature gave us the chance to review a pretty wide array of environmentally-friendly menstrual products to try and get a better idea of what works best in different situations. Reusable sanitaryware is becoming more popular and mainstream, but can still be a touch unsettling to those hearing about it for the first time. We are so socialised to see menstruation as unclean that it can be difficult to relinquish the appeal of the single-use tampon preserved in its comfortingly sterile plastic wrapper, but it is important to remember that each aspect of the disposable packaging has an environmental impact. With a huge proportion of the world's population being of menstruating age and actively contributing additional heaps of bleached cotton/rayon, cardboard and plastic to our landfills, the rising popularity of reusable sanitary products should be championed.

 

Personally, I'm a fan, but I know that not every product will work with every body -- or even every lifestyle. For those looking to get a general overview of what's out there, this post is for you. Hopefully you'll be able to pick out an alternative that will work best for you. 

 

The old faithful -- The Mooncup

 

The Mooncup was my first foray into reusable blood-collection devices, and to this day it is still my favourite go-to sanitary product. Since 2009, this little silicone cup has been keeping me (mostly) high and dry, and free from the tyranny of the tampon aisle. I've saved so much money since I stopped needing to stock up on disposable menstrual items, and it's been so long since I bought them that I can honestly say that I have no idea what generic tampons/pads even cost any more. 

 

Pros 

• body-safe silicone
• pretty much indefinite use life
• lower TSS risk compared to generic tampons
• cost-effective (mine paid for itself in a year)
• has two sizes and should fit most bodies
• simple to clean/sterilize
• won't dry out vaginal tissues 

 

Cons

• has a learning curve
• large initial cost
• not a South African product
• can be messy to empty in public restrooms
• not for the squeamish/body-repulsed (it's basically a goblet of gore) 

 

Woman-Kind Reusable Pads 

 

Although I love my Mooncup, sometimes you just don't feel like using something internal. Maybe your flow is just super light, or you're a bit sore for some reason, or maybe you're just plain lazy. Reusable pads are a great alternative to internal collection methods, and I really liked this large/medium combo pack from Woman-Kind. They're comfy and cute and kind to the planet, and I found them to be a delight. 

 

Pros

• locally-made from pure cotton and fabric scraps to reduce waste
• very absorbent
• good for at-home use
• affordable
• you'll have pads pegged up in your window as a great conversation-starter

 

Cons

• you need to wear tighter underwear or stockings/leggings to ensure they sit close to your body
• washing and drying can be a pain
• you need to carry a spare in a little re-sealable baggie if you plan to wear them out all day

 

Woman-Kind Menstrual Sponges

 

I actually really liked using these little sponges! It was a little ideologically strange at first, but it was a super interesting and entirely organic alternative to tampons/cups. This is probably the most environmentally-friendly out of all the options I tried, but hardcore vegans might take offence to the fact that sea-sponges are technically animals (they don't have a brain or a nervous system though!). They are super soft and easy to insert, but be careful not to be too enthusiastic – retrieval can be tricky. These babies are best when they ride low.

 

Pros

• 100% biodegradable (toss them in your compost even!)
• reusable up to 6 cycles
• more cost-effective than generic tampons
• comfortable to wear 

 

Cons

• messy to remove/clean in public restrooms
• not entirely vegan-friendly (depending on your personal ethics)
• must be carefully inspected after each cycle to make sure they are fit to re-use
• squeamish users might be put off at needing to squeeze out a bloody, uterus-rimed mass
• I found they got a little painful and 'heavy' when full initially, but you get used to it (?) 

 

HannahPad Large Overnight Pad 

 

This was probably the item that I had the most mixed feelings about. It's functional and effective in its absorbency, but the sheer size lends it a heft that subverts its purpose. Unless it's pressed tightly against you, it flops around and leaks and is basically ineffectual as a collection device meant for sleeping. Those with heavy periods would find it immensely during the day, but unless you have a really fitted pair of undies, restless sleepers will struggle at night. 

 

Pros

• good for a really heavy flow
• natural cotton
• fancy leak-proof under-lining 

Cons

• moves around a lot due to its size
• fairly bulky and may show through clothing (if you're wearing it out and about during the day)
• as is standard with reusable pads, washing/drying can be a hassle 

Fortunately, there's a fair amount of choice for eco-friendly menstrual products – it's not just about collection method any more (tampons or pads? Sponges or cups?), we now also have a vast array of available brands to choose from as well. I am fairly certain that there is a more ethical, environmental option available for every body and flow. If you need a starting point, check out Faithful to Nature's stock of goodies. Happy bleeding!

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Review: Satisfyer Pro Penguin Next Generation

We've worked with Satisfyer before, and they've always been a delight to deal with. So when the company offered to send us two updated versions of their Pro Penguin model in exchange for our unbiased review, we were pretty excited to tag-team this one. Minerva has tried the original Penguin and loved it, so we were keen to see what changed. Turns out all the updates were small but significantly improved user experience, which is always a win in my book.

Before we get into the real business, I just want to give a little update on the discretion (or lack thereof) I spoke about in my previous review. I'd had issue with the fact that the products were shipped in a nondescript cardboard box, but then labelled as containing vibrators -- not exactly the subtlety that one would go for when buying sex toys. Like, I don't really care so much if it's being delivered to my house, but we arranged for this parcel to go to Minerva's workplace and obviously needed more discretion. This time, Satisfyer listed the contents as "massage units," which is a definite improvement and shows that the company listens to the requests of their customers. Yay! But let's get on to the good bits of the review.

This iteration of the Pro Penguin is a more dapper take on the princess-pink debut model, with a few minor upgrades that improve user experience. While both Minerva and I love pink (we're both quite stereotypically femme, so the generic pink/purple palette of sex toys is not usually a dealbreaker to us), it is still refreshing to see some alternatives to the usual options. I am quite a fan the new colour-scheme -- not just because the toy's namesake is adorable, but because the colours are more accessible to a wider audience. The curvy hourglass shape is also very pleasing, both visually and to hold. This combines with the small (but also somehow sturdy) size and soft silicone to feel organic and ergonomic in the hand. Even the button area feels cushy and inviting to the touch. In fact, the only thing I didn't like about the toy is the fact that it comes wearing a little bow tie -- it seems fiddly and unnecessary, and I removed mine immediately. It's made out of stretchy silicone so would be pretty easy to remove and keep clean, but I honestly don't see the point in keeping it on.

Plus, having a sex toy all dressed-up just for me feels ... weird. Minerva put this unease into words when she examined her updated Penguin, saying "It feels like the bow tie makes it less of a cute animal penguin and more like the Penguin from the Batman universe." Yeah, after that image I'm thinking no thanks. It's like the toy is trying to suit up, all the better to woo me; and I can't even deny that it will succeed. This gif seems to encapsulate the feeling perfectly. Basically, I can't take the Penguin seriously when it's wearing a bow tie, and I'll definitely get far more pleasure once I inevitably attach the silicone bow to someone's gift and giggle obnoxiously for no apparent reason. But that's just me. Perhaps you might find the bow tie charming, whimsical, even cute. You might like dressy sex toys in tuxedo outfits, and that's awesome. At least Satisfyer made sure the item was removable, giving consumers a choice about it.

Like its predecessor, the new Penguin charges via USB, as indicated by the squishy silicone pad that comprises of its controls lighting up delightfully. It looks like its belly is glowing, and this pleases me greatly. The controls themselves are simple, but still an improvement on the previous iteration of the toy, which had no means to decrease intensity. The updated version has both + and - buttons, for greater control over the sensations provided. They are placed in a somewhat unusual fashion, with the + being at the top when the toy is inverted, as it would be during use. You turn it on and off by holding on the +, which does get a little confusing sometimes -- surely to turn it off you should hold down the - button? Not that this is difficult to work out or get used to, it just seems less intuitive.

To be honest, the biggest design improvement is that the removable nozzle now has a little ridge that stops it from popping out accidentally. It didn't bother Minerva too much as it never happened during use, but obviously this does create the potential of losing an essential component of a very cool toy. The revised Penguin definitely makes me feel more secure about the durability of the product -- you actually have to put a little effort into removing the nozzle, and we both feel like this is a major win for the redesign.

As for how it feels, Minerva confirmed that both versions of the Penguin seem to be comparable in terms of performance. Each has eleven different intensities, allowing the user a wide range of sensation to choose from. The combination of throbby suction/pulsation seems basically identical in both toys, with perhaps the noise level being a bit quieter. You can gradually ramp up the power in such small increments that it should suit a plethora of personal preferences, and the addition of a - button really makes a difference to general user-friendliness and also in controlling the amount of stimulation you want.

Because this toy is intense. Like, I enjoyed the Pro 2, and I feel like the vibration/air-pulsing stimulation is probably stronger in that particular model. It's larger and more powerful and I barely get past the first four settings before it becomes too much for me. Nevertheless, the Pro Penguin packs a huge amount of sensation in its deceptively cute and conveniently portable figure-of-eight shape. If you haven't tried a suction toy before, you're missing out. When placed directly over the clitoris, the Satisfyer Pro Penguin creates a sensation that has been compared to a kind of throbby, pulsating oral sex. It's not a comparison I would have made, exactly -- there's vibration involved and the whole thing just feels too far away from the visceral, organic nature of oral sex to ring true to me. However, the toy provides a really amazing feeling of building that I've never felt in more 'traditional' (ie, vibrational) stimulation. As I wrote in my Pro 2 review, it feels like the orgasm is being slowly drawn out of your body, rising gradually until the sensation becomes overwhelming,

This is where the - button comes in handy. The original Penguin models didn't have a means to cycle back down the settings, so you'd need to rip the toy from your body in a fit of post-orgasmic sensitivity to avoid over-stimulating yourself into painful oblivion. Now, however, you can just mash the - button down to facilitate a slower and more pleasurable comedown without completely stopping all sensation. It's quite a trip, and it's remarkably intense. As I've said before, suction-based toys provide orgasms that are remarkably different from those resulting from external vibration, and if you're looking for something different then they're probably worth an investment. While I love the Pro 2 and its power, I've found myself reaching for the Penguin more often just due to the convenience of its size -- it's just so compact and easy.

Afterwards, clean-up is dead simple due to the waterproof nature of the toy, and the removable nozzle allows for a really thorough scrub-down. This is a great toy in pretty much every aspect, and we love the updated design -- just as pleasurable, more functional and more intuitive than the original. Thanks again to the Satisfyer team for providing these products for our review purposes! You can check them out at the links below.

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Review: Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE Single Choker

I've spoken of my love for Bijoux Indiscrets products many times before, but my most recent obsession has been their MAZE line of bondage-inspired accessories that are perfectly on trend, utterly cruelty free, and absolutely stunning to boot. While the whole collection is beautiful, the product that really captivated my attention was the Single Choker; an understated accessory that functions as a fashionable, decorative piece of jewellery as well as a light collar for actual kink play. It's chic. It's minimalist. It's the perfect embodiment of the contemporary choker/subtle restraint trend in the current semi-alternative sartorial landscape, and I wanted one so badly.

As soon as I got some disposable income I decided to treat myself, and eventually my dream choker was firmly clasped in my clammy little paws. And wow, what a first impression. As usual, Bijoux Indiscrets provides the ultimate luxury experience for their customers. The packaging is crazy; a very pretty box with an image of the product on the underside and a subtle, labyrinth-style geometric patterning that is a beautiful visual echo of the name of the line. The choker sits inside this little nest like a gem, and it is glorious. Make from a realistic-looking vegan leather alternative, the classic O-ring design is simple while retaining a luxy element  due to the soft golden finish on the metal hardware. It fastens at the back with a sort of peg system rather than a buckle, and is adjustable up to about 40cms circumference. Those who have very slender necks might find this choker a bit loose, but it does mean that larger bodies will also be able to enjoy this accessory. Yay for accessible plus-size fashion!

The look and effect of this choker is something I can't quite get over -- it rounds out any outfit, makes it edgier, more finished, just plain more. Because the design is the embodiment of simplicity, it doesn't read like a BDSM-inspired accessory, and I feel comfortable enough to wear this piece in pretty much any context. It's even made a few appearances at work and gotten more than a few compliments. I think the gentle gold tones help soften the overall effect, making it less harsh than the traditional black-and-silver which is so often associated with darker/alternative fashions. It also helps that the style is something being sold in less durable iterations in mainstream stores ranging from Forever 21, H&M, and Woolworths, to no-name trinket stores with off-brand fashion jewellery. The aesthetic is a fairly recognisable facet of contemporary style at this point, and is therefore acceptable for most public occasions.

Personally, I wear mine all the time and found this choker very comfortable, although it did take a little while to get used to. I experimented with tighter and looser fits at first, trying to find what felt the best. A tighter fit allowed me to have a classic collar-style look, fitting snugly around my neck with the O-ring firmly pressed to my throat. It probably looked the way the designer intended -- a little provocative, but still classy. However, the metal ring ended up pressing a bit firmly against my oesophagus and creating a touch of neck-splooge if I moved my head around in weird ways, and it ended up feeling a bit too constrictive at times. I ended up switching between tighter/looser fits during daily wear until I realised that the vegan leather had stretched a tiny little bit to fit my neck beautifully, without being too snug even on the tighter notch. Now that it has moulded to my skin a bit, I've found it so comfortable that I almost forget I even have it on.

The only negative aspect of this choker is the slight mark it leaves behind after being worn for extended periods. I don't mean an impression on the skin from being worn too tightly, I'm talking about some dye "rub off" from the faux leather areas. I only seem to get this right on the front bit, around the O-ring. The effect is of two little dirty smudges on either side of my oesophagus, and I'm not certain why it only comes off on that part of my neck when the remainder of the vegan leather is exposed to just as much perspiration and skin-ooze. My initial conclusion was that perhaps it's something to do with the toiletries I use -- body lotion, perhaps, or a spot of perfume sprayed in the general neck/décolletage area. However, Emmeline Peaches had the same complaint about her MAZE product, so perhaps it is just something about the dyes. Who knows! Either way, the inner band of the choker hasn't seemed to have lost any colour or otherwise degraded in any way. To be honest, it hasn't bothered me enough to actually take any action yet, but Ms Peaches does suggest a light scrub with a mild soapy washcloth to stop the transfer.

Overall, I'd recommend this product to anyone looking for a beautiful and entirely on-trend fashion accessory. Serious kinksters might not find the choker suitable for actual play, but it might work as a day collar for those who need to keep their lifestyle on the DL, or perhaps as a cruelty-free alternative to leather products. In any case, I am so pleased that the classic Single Choker is finally mine. It's been my dream accessory since the launch of the Bijoux Indiscrets MAZE line, and I've worn it almost daily. It accrues compliments on a regular basis, and makes me feel like the fabulous Insta-worthy siren of my teen dreams. We all need to live our dreams at some point.

Review: Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation

Ever heard of suction toys? In the last couple of years, two new brands have come onto the sex toy scene as an alternative to vibration for clitoral pleasure. First to emerge was the Womanizer brand, followed swiftly by the German-based Satisfyer, who kindly sent Minerva and I products in exchange for unbiased review. We were both really excited to try out some new sensations, being basic cishet girls who have only really experimented with vibration before. Personally, I quite like the shape and design of the Satisfyer models, and I felt quite lucky to have been able to critique this brand just in terms of aesthetics.

Despite this, the Satisfyer Pro 2 Next Generation doesn't look like much. It's an updated version of the previous Pro 2 model, and, as with its predecessor, there are no fancy embellishments or unnecessary accessories. It's just a sleek, minimal toy that's comprised entirely of a handle topped with a little silicone nozzle. To keep things even more simple, this toy only comes in one colour -- a sort of champaigny-bronze that is refreshingly gender-neutral. As much as I love a fabulously femme aesthetic, it is pleasant to see 'unconventional' colours pop up from time to time. In terms of design, the only change in this Next Generation version was to incorporate another button to reduce the intensity. I can tell you already that this was a good move on behalf of the company, but we'll get to that later.

Satisfyer packaging is straightforward and clean – a cardboard box with a facsimile of the product on the front, with the toy itself nestled in a plastic tray inside. All you get is the toy, a magnetic USB charging cable, and the manual. A storage baggie would have been nice, but I also understand that toy costs go up with fancier packaging/accessories and let's be honest about it – we want good quality toys to be affordable. My only complaint with the packaging is that, during shipping, the products were placed in a lovely nondescript  box which listed on the courier label as containing vibrators. Apparently, this isn't a once-off thing and has happened to other reviewers receiving their products directly from the company, so unless you're ordering directly from Satisfyer itself you should be fine.

When I heard of this particular new development in sex toy tech, I was initially a bit dubious. Surely too much suction can be a bad thing? Anyone that's awkwardly tried to hide a love-bite knows the bruisey feeling that comes with broken blood-vessels via overenthusiastic suction, and I'm not eager to reproduce the sensation elsewhere on my body. Fortunately, the Satisfyer range works on air pulses to create a sort of fluttering feeling that mimics suction more than actually creating it, coupled with some vibrations. It's a bit difficult to describe, but basically there's no need to be concerned about vacuum-based injury because there won't be enough vortex power to wreck your capillaries. The noise level is a bit dramatic though – on the lower levels there's a very soft hum, but it does get a bit rattley as you crank up the power, and it's definitely the loudest of my toys. However, it's nothing that some basic blanket-muffling and background music won't resolve.

My first impressions while using the toy? A bit meh, to be honest. I made the mistake of operating the Pro 2 as I would any other vibe, placed in the spot I would normally use. But the Pro 2 isn't a vibe, so I was disappointed – that is, until I figured out that this toy needs to be placed directly over your clit in order for anything to happen. Fans of indirect stimulation will have to trust me on this one, because when you do find the right place, it's like walking in on a surprise party. Suddenly there's so much sensation and stimulation that users who are used to vibration might not have encountered before, and there really is something about the air pulses that seems to draw out orgasm much longer than usual. It's a bit surreal, actually. If you haven't tried this kind of toy and are looking for something new, I highly recommend checking one out. It's a sensation you need to experience to really understand, but it's almost like the orgasm is being slowly pulled out of your body rather than beaten out via pounding vibrations. It's both wonderful and overwhelming; and that's where the extra button comes in handy. Originally, Satisfyer just had made this toy with an on/off and a plus button. The addition of a minus function allows the user to decrease stimulation when the sensation becomes too much during/post orgasm, enabling you to come down more gently. This was such a big win for me despite having never used another Satisfyer product prior to this one. A minus button just makes sense, especially in a toy of this size where there is definitely enough space to engineer an extra button in the handle.

Basically, I've found this product is able to deliver some really long-lasting, extended orgasms that feel very different from the sensations created via vibration. If you're looking to try something new, I can't recommend the Satisfyer Pro 2 enough -- and hey, you should try get the Next Generation. That extra button really does make a difference.

Thanks again to Satisfyer for working with us! Check out their range of products at the links below, or hit them up on social media -- their service is stellar.

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Review: Mooncup Reusable Menstrual Cup

The Mooncup was my first foray into eco-friendly menstruation; and back then (I’m talking circa 2007), the idea of bleeding into the same cup for years was pretty radical. And, if I’m honest, marginally unpleasant. I liked the earth-friendly aspect, but the size comparison between the Mooncup and the various feminine hands gracing the product photography was a bit daunting. Tampons are roughly the same diameter as a finger, and this thing was like the hollow created by a loosely-held fist. Seventeen-year-old me had been brainwashed by the misinformation that smaller and tighter vaginas are better, and that you can irreparably stretch your vagina through penetrative activity of any kind. I was very dubious about inserting something so large. The environment would have to wait.

A couple of years later I was at university, and on a strict budget. Tampons were almost R50 for a box that wouldn’t even last a full two cycles (ah, those were the good days – now it’s even more expensive to have the privilege of not leaving a trail of carnage everywhere you go), and I started reconsidering menstrual cups. It was still a big investment to make, yet at that point I was fairly invested in the imported UK-branded Mooncup as opposed to the cheaper South African alternatives that had recently emerged onto the market. The Mooncup was the one that I had researched and considered, and it was the brand with which I had built an imaginary relationship. So it was the investment I made, and at that point it was a sickening amount of money. That was in 2009, and had I known that I would still be using my Mooncup to this day, I would have laid my cash down sooner and more gladly.

The Mooncup is a little silicone blood-goblet that comes in two sizes: A for After Childbirth, and B for Before Childbirth. Size B is of a slightly smaller diameter, although the size difference is only a few millimetres. Each cup has with convenient measurement guidelines and is perforated by four tiny holes that help facilitate a seal that prevents leakage. The silicone is flexible enough to be folded lengthways and inserted, yet also maintains enough structural integrity to hold its shape. Because it is made from a non-absorbent, body-safe material, the risk of developing Toxic Shock Syndrome is lower than with tampons. Also, there’s no chance of drying out your delicate vaginal tissues or leaving traces of bleached fibres behind.

In fact, this was my dominant first impression of the Mooncup. After the initial adjustment period (what feels comfortable? How does one insert it without it popping open unexpectedly and causing me a surprising bolt of pain?), I found it fascinating to be able to see the separation between blood and other vaginal fluid within the little cup. All of that gets absorbed during tampon use, leaving the vaginal canal dry. Not exactly ideal. If you’re not squeamish, it’s definitely a way to better understand your body. You start to learn that it’s easier to insert the cup while standing, but remove it in a squat. You figure out that it’s better to dump blood as far back into the toilet bowl as possible, because its viscosity will take a few flushes to properly dissipate and that’s just not ideal in a public restroom. Eventually, you might even get brave enough to trim the annoying 'removal stem' off entirely, because you don’t use it anyway. You sail past the sanitary aisle in supermarkets, gleefully congratulating yourself on your investment. Menstrual cups are the best.

Except when you spill. If you don’t empty the cup timeously, the resulting overflow can compromise the seal and create a rather grisly accident. To be honest, sometimes I don’t even know why the seal breaks – it can happen seemingly at a whim, even when the cup is almost empty. It’s a bit frustrating at times. Also, the four holes which create the seal are prone to clogging with uterus detritus. Ditto measurement levels and the apparently superfluous branding on the inside of the cup. It just means you need to spend a bit more time making sure everything is clean. At least the holes are easy to get to – filling the cup with water, covering the top with your palm and then squeezing creates a pressurised stream that forces any detritus out. In recent iterations of the Mooncup, the holes have been made vertically rather than in mine, where they are horizontal and prone to collecting gunk. I only discovered this upon buying one for a friend, who was initially sceptical but became a menstrual cup convert and ended up telling her friends to invest as well. Her cup seemed to be made from a clearer, paler silicone, but other than the holes the design seems mostly unchanged.

On the subject of the colouration, I much prefer the paler tones of the more recent cup. The Mooncup website claims that tonal variation of the silicone will occur, but even when I got mine it was a dull yellowish colour that is a bit unappealing. Eight years later and it was, understandably, a bit stained. But don't be alarmed! You can help refresh your cup with a hydrogen peroxide soak -- it's quite safe, just make sure you rinse and dry the cup thoroughly afterwards.

Overall, I think menstrual cups should be used by anyone with a period -- it's good for the environment, and is an investment that will save you money for years. My cup paid for itself in just over a year; and that was when a pack of 40 tampons was R45. I've saved so much money not buying disposable tampons or pads, and my Mooncup is still going strong.

However, I realise that it's not for everybody. If you are squeamish, this is probably not for you. If you only ever use tampons with an applicator, this is definitely not for you. For some people, having the lining of their organs leave their body in a spectacularly messy and painful display is an ugly experience that borders on traumatic, and I completely understand the need to distance oneself from the grisly nature of it all.

However, if you can handle it and want to try a sustainable and cost-effective way of managing your period, I strongly suggest switching to a menstrual cup. I can vouch for the Mooncup, but there are even cheaper alternatives out there. Go forth and have your periods sustainably!

Better The Devil You Know...

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So hi there. A few of you may recall my earlier post about the Implanon chip and the terrible side effects I suffered through until I could get it removed. Well here I am with a follow-up, for interest’s sake. Because hormonal changes take ages to make themselves known and felt.

I switched back to Nuristerate immediately after the chip was removed. I thought it would fix everything instantly, but I was just being hopeful. The general rule is that it takes your body six months to adapt to a new hormonal birth control (did you know that? I didn’t). So I suffered through fluctuating moods and insane cramps, and more for a long time after that.

I’ve been on Nuristerate again for eight months now. And the side effects of Implanon have finally, mostly, dissipated. I still get fairly bad PMS, but it seems to have gone back to the regular once a month cycle. Cramps have also calmed down a lot. I get bad ones sometimes, but not all the time, and not nearly as bad as they were. And the best part is, I no longer trigger cramps when I orgasm.

Yes, that was a side effect. Possibly the worst one. Whenever I’d masturbate at a certain time of the month, and if I orgasmed, it would trigger horrific cramps that would keep me down for an hour or more at a time. It sort of fed a fear in me, so that every time I had me-time, I would be nervous and anxious, and would feel the cramps rising. Which as you can imagine, is not exactly ideal for your own pleasure time. It kinda puts a (ahem) cramp in things. It only occurred to me the other day when I masturbated that I no longer feel that fear. It’s because for a few months now, it hasn’t happened. It was still happening for about four or five months after I had removed the Implanon. I remember wondering if it may be a permanent side effect (eeeek). But it wasn’t. Thank all upper deities.

I was relieved that I never had a sexual partner during those months, because I figured it would be a little awkward to explain why after some great sex I had to curl up in a ball with a hot water bottle and breathe to myself for an hour. How do you begin to get a guy to understand something like that? It kinda opens up thoughts of how people without uteruses see contraceptives, and how it is the woman’s “job” to worry about hormonal birth control. I'd try to picture explaining that to a guy, and could only imagine that he would just think it silly that I did that to myself in the first place.

Then I started wondering why we do do that to ourselves. My reasoning behind switching to Implanon was based on the negative side effects of Nuristerate. I had been on the injection for years, and unbeknownst to me, it had formed cysts in my ovaries. The cysts started to burst after a nurse slipped up and didn’t give me a full dose, causing my progesterone levels to drop. The pain was excruciating. So I switched BC methods, to avoid another incident. And only got even worse side effects for my troubles.

Honestly, it all just makes me wonder if I would ever actually go through with full sterilisation. I’m very tempted to, but just gotta get up the courage. The things we go through just to not become pregnant are insane. Yes, I would love to have sex whenever I feel like it. There’s nothing wrong with that. And no, I definitely never ever want to be pregnant. Nothing wrong with that either. And I wouldn’t trust a condom to protect me fully; I’d need another barrier. Why do we have such a stigma against sterilisation? I’m a 26-year-old female with no children, with 98% certainty I will never want children, and a 170% certainty I will never want to be pregnant. And yet, despite all this certainty it is up to someone else to decide that it is a bad idea for me to undergo tube-tying. Someone older, someone wiser, and frankly someone masculine. I just think it is nonsense. Instead of just undergoing tubal litigation, I have to go through all these experiences -- bursting cysts, cramping orgasms, constant PMS, two-week long periods, increasingly painful cramps. Is there no way to escape this hormonal fallout?

What do our readers think? If any of you have some wisdom to offer, experiences to share, or just glitter to throw, please comment below.

Review: Satisfyer Pro Penguin

Recently, we were lucky enough to have received two Satisfyer products in exchange for our honest review! The Satisfyer range is a line of suction-based toys that provide sensations comparatively new to the sex toy world, working with gentle pulses of air to create sensations that claim to be pleasantly unfamiliar to the average vibrator user. We were both incredibly excited to receive our products. Thanks, Satisfyer!

When I opened the box, my first thought was “Oooooh, pretty! Wait, what? How the - ?”

Yep. I’ve never experienced a suction toy before, and when I saw the Penguin, it was a bit confusing. My body is used to vibration, and working with a completely different kind of stimulation means that you need to change your tactics, as it were. But don’t be daunted; after a very quick Google session, I learned that it’s ridiculously easy to use. So, review cut short (spoiler alert): it has rapidly become one of my favourites in my toy drawer.

I suppose I can describe it as providing the closest simulation of oral sex that I currently have. But that wouldn’t really be right. It’s more what I often fantasize oral sex to be. It’s a machine, after all. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Let’s just start at the beginning. The Penguin looks just like that: a sort of cartoony hourglass ABS plastic penguin shape with a silicone nozzle. Which, handily enough, is detachable for better cleaning. Yay, easy cleanup! However, the toy is also completely waterproof, and doesn’t need lubricant in order to function. This was quite a big deal for me, because I find that lube is more or less a necessity in my own play activites. Because you don't need additional lubricant, the Penguin is really great for bath-time (jussaying). It charges via USB, so you don’t have to rely on batteries and you can pretty much charge it anywhere. Also, the charger is magnetic! So it doesn’t give you slight anxiety when using it underwater or during clean-up. And you feel fancy. It has two buttons, one to turn on and off, and one to adjust settings. It has eleven vibration settings -- yes, eleven. All power settings; no patterns. I’ve only ever gone up to five and that gives me crazy powerful orgasms. I laid the toy against my hand to test the further settings, and the further you go, the more it becomes like a vibration and less like the pulsating suction, so that’s an adventure to look forward to!

It’s also extremely quiet! The first time I turned it on was just to see how it even worked so I had nothing against the nozzle, and it made this terrible loud noise similar to a tiny Kreepy Krawly having been dragged out of the water. It was a bit alarming. Fortunately, the moment it was laid against my palm it become dead quiet. Whenever I use it, it produces even less sound than any of my vibrators. This is pretty reassurring because I live with housemates and like my privacy.

It also boasts that it is hands-free, so I had to put that claim to the test. Surprisingly, it can be, yes. I started off using it with my hands, but then discovered that if I closed my legs and it laid between my thighs, it felt even better and became complete hands-free. Cunningly, it is shaped perfectly for that position, so whether you have a thigh gap or are like me and have thighs of the Amazons, it will still sit snugly and perfectly without any help whatsoever.  Feel free to challenge me on that, but I'm certain that anyone will be able to find a placement that will make it work. I was also very impressed with how easily it can be placed on your clit and doesn’t get dislodged. I found I can move quite a bit with it, without losing position. This is something that I did not expect at all. In terms of shape and functionality, it’s a very well designed toy! My only issue with it is that the nozzle has the tendency to pop out from time to time. It's not enough for me to find it problematic, but is definitely something  to be aware of. Don't lose the nozzle, friends. You will be very sad not to have this sensation in your life.

So yes, basically the Penguin blows me away (hehehe, pun intended). I tend to love my external toys and this one is amazing. Whether you’re just looking for a quickie, or settling in to have a nice long session of me-time, it’s a fabulous one to invest in. And if you're used to vibrators and looking for a new kind of stimulation, this will definitely be a departure from the norm. Treat yoself.

Thanks again to Satisfyer for providing us with this toy! Check them out at the links below.

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Review: Large/Overnight HannahPad

As part of our series of reviews of reusable menstrual products, online wellness retailer Faithful to Nature sent us the large/overnight size HannahPad in exchange for our honest review. This reusable pad is bleach- and dye-free, and a single pad may last you up to three years -- seems like a worthy investment! Switching to reusable menstrual products might seem like a great deal of unnecessary trouble and cost initially, but they pay for themselves faster than you imagine. An added benefit is that you decrease your monthly contributions to landfill waste when you switch from disposable sanitaryware to reusable alternatives, and I think that's wonderful.

 

My first impression of the HannahPad was related to its size. It's really, really large -- almost the length of my forearm, in fact. Briefly, I wondered if my underwear would be up to the challenge or if I'd need to invest in a pair of high-waisted granny-style briefs. Just kidding -- I already have lots of those. My second thought was about how pretty it is. The underside is made from a synthetic-feeling fabric with a very femme flower print, which I think is cute. Even if it's not to your taste, at least you'll be consoled by the fact that you'll be bleeding on the offending object anyway.

The pad fastens to your underwear by means of a press-stud, flower-side down. It definitely feels very thick during wear, and while I only really wore pads briefly in my early teens, I can confidently say that they can't exactly be described as "barely noticeable." This trait is only exacerbated when the item in question is made from thick layers of absorbent cotton that bulk out your underwear to the point that you feel like you're wearing a nappy. Okay, I joke, but the overnight HannahPad is a little bit of an adjustment. Of course, this doesn't matter if you're just wearing it to bed, but if you suffer from incredibly heavy periods and are struggling to find an eco-alternative for daytime wear, you might want to wear sturdy bottoms like jeans or thick tights under skirts/shorts to both disguise lumps and hold the pad close to your body.

Unfortunately, keeping the pad in place was actually a concern of mine. I found that even my designated period panties (high-waisted, faded, dark in colour to hide stains, and totally worth bleeding in) weren't up to the challenge. During the night, the pad wouldn't adhere close enough to my body to prevent leaks. Certain sleeping positions with legs together made the primary collection area fold to the point of being an ineffectual barrier, and the crotch of my slightly stretched go-to menstrual uniform wasn't wide enough to really accommodate the breadth of the pad, thus compromising structural integrity. It really needs a pair of boxer briefs to do a great job, but then the press stud fastening strategy wouldn't function and the pad might wander around anyway. It's a bit of a dilemma, actually. Perhaps a nice pair of new undies that cling to the body with all the freshness only unstretched elastic can provide would be the answer here, but I'm not about to buy nice underwear just to act as a receptacle for my haemorrhaging uterus. The stake are too high for these money-spending shenanigans.

One thing that really did work was the relentlessly cheerful flower-printed underside. The fabric acts as a magical artificial guardian that prevents the soaked cotton from squeezing gore into your underwear, designated period panties or not. Even after almost completely saturating the pad, the flowery fabric showed no sign of staining. Pretty cool! Alas, this doesn't help unless the pad actually stays in place for long enough to catch the fluid anyway.

Clean-up is pretty easy -- a good thorough soaking in cold water will help get the most of it out, and then you can either hand-wash or pop it in with the rest of your laundry. I still found that a few stubborn stains were visible even after coming out the wash, and because of this I'm fairly ambivalent about the choice of a lighter fabric colour for the actual splash-zone. Although the point is to allow you to see when your pad needs to be changed, I do feel that Woman-Kind had the right idea in terms of their colour scheme.

All in all, I liked the large HannahPad for its cheery design and excellent functionality. The only issue is its massive size necessitating a better placement structure. I like the option of using a pad at night because sometimes I just don't feel like using any internal menstrual collection methods, but I also sleep on my side with my knees together and it didn't work out too well. If you happen to have very heavy periods, you'll probably find this particular HannahPad to be better suited to daytime use, when you can wear supportive clothing and control your movements to avoid involuntary bunching.

Get your HannahPad in various sizes from Faithful to Nature at the links below, or just say hi to them on social media.

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Review: Woman-Kind Reusable Cloth Pads



As part of our series on reusable, eco-friendly menstrual products, the lovely Faithful to Nature kindly sent us some cloth Woman-Kind pads in sizes Large and Small to review! These aren't the only sustainable multi-use pads in stock; as the largest online wellness retailer in South Africa they offer a wide range of alternatives to suit almost everyone. As always, our reviews are unbiased and fair, but I was pretty keen to try this product. Reusable pads are not only kind to the planet, they are a wonderful investment for anyone looking to save money on sanitaryware. It's an unfortunate reality that, for many in our country, menstruation is a massive hindrance to living one's life. Without access to sanitary products, these people are obliged to miss school and compromise their education due to the fact that they can't afford to regularly buy disposable tampons or pads. The Woman-Kind pads offered by Faithful to Nature provide a long-lasting solution to a very real problem, and we were lucky to have the chance to check them out.

The pads themselves look pretty funky, made from what appears to be black towelling with patterned cotton fabric on the reverse, stuffed with a thicker cotton absorbent core. They fasten onto your underwear by means of a single press stud and are pretty simple in design. Mine are quite friendly-looking with their eighties-style patterns that make me think of the spandex ski-pants I had as a child. What's particularly cool is that no two pads will ever really be alike as the manufacturers try to be as eco-friendly as possible; matching complementary colours but trying to reduce waste wherever they are able to do so. Despite this, I'm quite happy that I did get a darker colour combination. Although I am not particularly squeamish when it comes to my own body, it is nice to disguise the inevitable staining that happens over time. However, I wouldn't advise investing in the all-black variation also available, for reasons I'll discuss later.

As expected, the pads are pretty easy to use -- just snap on the press-studs, arrange the pad so that it sits comfortably in your undies, and you're good to go. If you haven't worn pads in a while, it might take a bit of getting used to. I switched to tampons very soon after beginning my period, and have used a Mooncup since 2009 so the bulk of the cotton pad was very pronounced at first. The middle area meant to collect the majority of menstrual fluid is noticeably thicker than the wings, but not uncomfortably so. If you enjoy wearing thin leggings or tights instead of pants, you might need to engage in some wardrobe-facilitated distraction techniques to disguise the shape of the pad through your clothes, but a regular pair of denim jeans will probably conceal the bulge just fine.

In use, the pads work remarkably well. The smaller size lasted a full day without any leaks despite being moderately active on my lighter starting flow, while the larger one gave me 24 hours of use near the tail-end of my period. While the large size is okay during what counts as heavy flow for me, it was at saturation point by the end of that day. Those who want to use cloth pads exclusively need to have a few on hand to switch out for evenings, although naturally those who use birth control that reduces menstrual volume might find a single pad gets them through the heaviest day of their cycle just fine. It's all up to you knowing your body.

But when should you change your pad? As I mentioned earlier, I wouldn't recommend getting all-black reusable pads, and my reasoning is purely because it's hard to tell when they are full. The cotton is so absorbent that I didn't immediately feel any noticeable dampness when trying to check saturation status. You can always wait to change them when you start seeing spots in your underwear, but that's not quite the point, is it? Eventually I realised that checking the patterned underside for stains would allow you to see when the pad is close to soaking through, which obviously is impossible when the pad itself is all black despite how chic you might feel.

As for clean-up, it's important to soak the pad in cold water as soon as possible after removal to help prevent staining. I made sure that I would be home most of the time I tested these pads, because I didn't want to shove a bloodsoaked cottony mass into a ziplock baggie in some unfortunate public bathroom only to have to deal with the dried fabric scab when I got home. So while I don't know how well the pads react to being left for a few hours, I can tell you that a swift soak will get rid of pretty much everything. After soaking for a few hours, a good hand-wash is good enough to prep them for their next use (after drying, of course). After my cycle was done, I chucked my pre-washed pads into a protective delicates bag for a round of deep-cleaning in the washing machine, just to make sure. However, I'm fairly certain that soaking and washing by hand is fine so this is up to personal preference.

So, are there any cons to using the Woman-Kind reusable cotton pads? Well, naturally, but it's important to remember that  in terms of functionality and ethics they are a clear winner over generic disposable pads. The cotton is gentle on sensitive skin that might react to the fabric or adhesive of single-use pads, and once you get past the added bulk they really are very comfortable. I did find that my usual choice of period panties (read: overstretched and faded underwear that are good for nothing except bleeding in) betrayed me in this instance, as they didn't provide much support for the large pad to stay close to my body. One particular day had me walking about 3kms with a pad that constantly tried to shift forward in my underwear, until I could get home and solve the problem with a pair of stockings that kept it snugly in place. Making sure you wear sturdy undies that will keep a slow-filling pad in check will really improve your experience of this product. Also, those new to the eco-friendly pad scene might initially get frustrated with the washing schedule necessary to keep your pads in rotation, but a little forethought and a good sunny window to pin your pads up in are your friends.

Also, some people really worry about the potential smell associated with periods and wearing pads. If this is a concern of yours, I'd advise you try adding some tea-tree or lavender oil to your soaking/washing water. Both these oils have anti-bacterial qualities and will imbue your pads with a subtle scent that should help you feel more confident.

Overall, I actually really liked this product and would recommend them to anyone looking for a ethical, sustainable alternative to generic sanitaryware. Buy them through Faithful to Nature at the link below! And be sure to say hi to them on social media.

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