Review: Red Jasper Yoni Egg

I've swooned over the South African retailer Yoni Eggs for ages now, and I was fortunate enough to be gifted with one from the founder in exchange for an honest review. Long story short, I love my egg and think that everyone should try one at some point, even if they already have a kegel exerciser.

Firstly, Juliet is a lovely person that was so kind as to allow me to collect my egg directly from her. We ended up having a long chat, and her commitment to personal wellness and the belief she has in her products was sincere and quite inspirational. She gave me the egg I had selected; a medium red jasper with a starburst pattern on it. Each egg comes in a little organza bag with a Yoni Eggs branded card attached. The organza bag sits inside a padded silky drawstring pouch for a little extra security, and the whole package is rounded off with some unflavoured dental floss for threading and a loose mascara wand for cleaning.

Basically, the presentation is gorgeous, and the products themselves are beautiful. I immediately fell in love with mine despite having been a little ambivalent about the stone itself initially. I'm a fairly gentle person; I like soft colours and the rose quartz stone would have been my first impulse based on appearance alone. Nevertheless, if you're getting a Yoni Egg, you might as well explore what they are meant to stand for. I decided to choose a powerful stone that has connotations of focus, determination, and strength to try balance out my personality. You can check out the significance of all the different stones on the website, but ultimately the choice is up to you.

But what does all this talk about the 'connotations' of a bit of rock mean anyway? For those that aren't into 'esoteric' stuff, here's a brief introduction: in the field of natural healing, crystals are seen as living 'beings' whose unique structures conduct electrical charges that assist with the transferral/transformation of energy. Human cells respond to this energy in ways that can be used for physical and psychological healing. This is how I understand the theory anyway; but feel free to do your own research. It's a little far-out and not for everyone, so if your logic-brain dismisses it all as rubbish, crystal therapy might not be for you. You can't deny that they are very pretty though, and hey, there's no harm in trying a more organic version of a pelvic floor trainer even if you dismiss everything else as silly.

The first thing you're advised to do is cleanse your egg in warm salt water and tea-tree oil overnight. This helps to rid the egg of bacteria in a natural way that doesn't mess with the 'energetic' properties of the stone. You cannot use boiling water to sanitise your stone, because the temperature change can cause your beautiful Yoni Egg to crack! Stick to a maximum temperature of 60˚C, which Google has told me is comfortable enough to put your hand into without risking a scalding. After a good soaking, your egg is ready to use! You thread a length of floss through the drilled tip of the egg, knot it off, insert gently and go about your day until you get tired. Then you remove the egg by gently tugging on the floss (which is discarded after every use), give it a clean using a spot of mild soap and the mascara wand for the drilled hole, and store it in its pouch.

This is the theory. It will work your pelvic floor in the same way that any pelvic trainer will, and if that's all you want, that's awesome. But it's not the same as yoni egg practise, which is an active and involved series of exercises that focus on developing dexterity and control of the pelvic floor, rather than just the ability to hold a weight inside your body. You can go online to look for examples of the kind of exercises I'm talking about, and some are listed on the Yoni Eggs page itself, but my favourite for developing crazy control is one where you take turns flexing the three layers of vaginal muscles in an attempt to move the egg upwards towards the cervix. Then you reverse the order to try move the egg downwards. This is super difficult for me, and requires a lot of focus, but it does make me aware of how my body really isn't used to this kind of conscious exercise. It really helps me gauge where my personal weaknesses lie, and definitely provides motivation for me to continue practise with the egg.

Another weakness in my personal physical conditioning is my inability to relax my pelvic floor and take a proper break. I tend to do all my exercises quickly, without focusing enough attention on the releasing aspect of the practise. This might not seem like a problem, because many of us have internalised the idea that a 'tighter' vagina is 'better,' and that it is important to work out the pelvic floor in order to develop that tightness. Actually, while there are definitely benefits with having a strong pelvic floor, it's actually more detrimental to have muscles that are too tight rather than too loose. If you can't relax your pelvic floor, you may struggle with penetration, experience generalised pain, and have trouble emptying your bladder. Basically, you need to balance each rep of pelvic exercise with relaxing completely, which is also supposed to help with 'melting' into orgasm when that pelvic floor is put to work in a sexual situation. This relaxation is definitely something I need to work on. As I type, I'm still feeling a little sore after forgetting I was using my yoni egg and wearing it for about thirty hours; even after doing my exercises. It's another lesson in the importance of giving your body a break, focusing on developing that dexterity rather than just endurance.

[edit: while some practitioners endorse unfocused yoni egg practise for hours on end, Juliet believes that it is better to just have a few minutes of intentional, mindful exercise. She advises that unfocused, just-going-about-your-day Yoni Egg use be limited to two hours, to allow your muscles to recover. But it's up to you!]

All in all, I love my Yoni Egg, and I'm so happy I chose the stone I did. While I haven't experienced a Wonder Woman-esque rush of empowering feelings, it's a gorgeous functional object and I was so happy to receive something with such beautiful spiritual and historical significance. Also, I highly recommend the service of the company as well -- Juliet runs her business according to strict ethics which I experienced first-hand. After getting home, I discovered my egg had a tiny hairline crack in it. Because the crack looked like part of the natural patterning of the stone, it flew under the radar of Juliet's quality control checks as well. She offered to replace the product for me, despite it still being completely functional. Now that's service.

If you'd like to purchase a Yoni Egg, order through their website! Otherwise, check them out on social media to learn more.

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