Review: MEO Under the Bed Restraint Gear

Back in the day, when I was a small baby just starting to experiment with sexuality, the ultimate in hardcore raunch was the idea of being tied down to a bed. This never actually happened, but that image is so prevalent in pop culture (even those silly 90s teen films) that it still has an air of mystique in my mind. In practise, however, ropes and knots are tricky and take time to fasten; you need a headboard/footboard situation; it's just an impractical mess really.

Fear not! The team at MEO allowed me to finally live out an echo of my teen dreams with their Under the Bed Restraints; a straightforward system of straps and cuffs that fits under your mattress -- no four-poster required. As always, this was provided to me in exchange for an unbiased review. Just a note, it was fairly difficult to write a "full" post for this product because it's just so simple and good. An accurate review would be "Five stars, would recommend," but I've done my best to go into excruciating detail. I apologise in advance for the amount of cat-hair in these photo.

The restraint system is comprised of nylon straps with adjustable clips that are connected by a central O-ring. There are D-rings on the end of each strap and a tiny little trigger-release, sort of like you'd find on the end of a dog leash. It also comes with nylon Velcro wrist- and ankle-cuffs, in case you don't have your own. This is great because you're set up and ready to go after a single sweaty mattress-flipping session, no matter what your existing equipment status.

This system of straps is the simplest little thing, and yet it's just so effective. As you may have gleaned, the most difficult aspect of assembly is flipping your mattress. If you have a double bed and are attempting this alone, good luck -- I have a 3/4 mattress and I had to pull my entire bed away from the wall so that the mattress could stand on its side while I arranged the restraint system in an X-shape (pictured on the top right), trying to ensure that the central connecting strap was roughly in the middle. Only afterwards I realised it was better arranged more in an H-shape (as pictured on the bottom left) -- at least for my purposes. I found having my hands more in line with my head was more comfortable on my shoulders and the straps didn't slip around as much. Needless to say, I got pretty sweaty experimenting with configurations. If you can, get a partner to help and don't repeat my mistakes.

After all that, it's just a matter of adjusting the straps to the proper length (i.e., tighter than you think, because you almost certainly have a lot of loose strappage bundled up under the mattress) and adding your cuffs. The system is held in place by bodyweight on the mattress and feels surprisingly secure, even with the Velcro cuffs. Nevertheless, I would recommend getting a set of cuffs that you like just for comfort reasons.

The only thing I was vaguely concerned about was the trigger-release clip that's used as an attachment for the cuffs. It feels kind of flimsy? As a cis girl who can't exert the strength required to rip through metal, I am possibly overreacting here. Nevertheless, the trigger clip just feels very small and dainty, like something you may see on one of those sadistic harness and leash contraptions made for walking your cat. If you're a big strong powerlifter type and feel personally affronted by the idea that such a tiny device could possibly contain you, you could always get some carabiners and clip those onto the D-rings instead.

Despite the durability concerns, I do see why the trigger clip was used -- it's easy on and easy off in an emergency, so at least you can release your bottom without adding an extra few minutes fiddling with the buckles on your cuffs. Although naturally if you use the cuffs that come with the set you can just rip off the Velcro, but still -- quick release is necessary.

Another favourite aspect of this system is that it is infinitely portable (you can mattress-flip anywhere, after all) and incredibly discreet. Just unclip your cuffs, tuck exposed straps under your mattress, and all is right with the world. This is great news for any BDSM aficionado who lives with housemates or children.

To end off, I've leave you with a quote from the website copy (NSFW link!) for this product:

Bondage has never been this easy and one of those reasons is the ease of use. Restraining your partner is simple to do. No more will the mood be ruined by the type of cumbersome and increasingly agitated fumbling rarely seen outside of a dad trying to put up a tent before it rains.

Couldn't have said it better myself! Basically, this product just plain works. It does exactly what it claims to do and it is just easy, excellent bondage. Get it, don't regret it.

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