Interview: Cath from Taro

This post offers something a little special and different. As readers will be aware, I love it when local manufacturers create sustainable intimate products. Recently, a new leather-worker has emerged in Cape Town creating well-made and utterly beautiful BDSM accessories. Taro is a distinctive brand that specialises in custom-fit bondage gear in a variety of different colours and styles, as well as some sensual accessories like scented candles and hemp rope.

Taro creations stand out to me due to their minimalist and striking style. Everything is stripped down to pure essentials without looking bare. It's clear that the pieces were made to lovingly accent the body and make it shine. Each piece is unique not only because they are made to measure, but because Taro only uses reclaimed and upcycled leather that create tiny cosmetic differences from product to product. This means that every piece is completely unique.

I got in touch with the founder Cath to get to know the intention behind the brand. I loved her responses to these questions! She also gave us a lovely little discount code which will give readers of the blog 10% off their purchases. The code is at the bottom of this post, so enjoy the interview! I certainly did.

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Firstly, I'd love to hear more about how you got into making sensual accessories and
BDSM gear. What was your Taro backstory?

Bondage and kink have been a glorious space of intimacy and expression for me for some time. I have
always tried to speak openly and honestly about my kinks and preferences as a way of normalizing the
conversation, as well as paving space for others who have no one to ask these questions to.
My discussions have often been met with a sort of “Oh, but you don’t look like you’re into bondage”
kind of reaction. The implication of this was that sexual preferences – bondage in this case – has some
kind of overriding visual stereotype.

Taro was born of a need to open the conversation – that expressing your sexuality and kinks doesn’t and shouldn't need to look any kind of way to be valid to you. Perhaps you’re a weathered kinkster with a dedicated leather room? Perhaps you just dabble every now and then? Or perhaps you have no interest
whatsoever. All of these experiences of sex and pleasure are valid and worthy of exultation.

Your products are incredibly elegant and have so many rich colour options. I'm a fan of
classic black myself, but the oil slick variant is to die for. Tell me about the design choices
that led to the Taro "look."

What has been super important for me from the beginning is challenging the icky language surrounding
fetish-wear by changing the quality and product available here in SA. I wanted to create a product that
appealed to an individual wanting to make their Saturday brunch dress a little edgier, as well as being a
sturdy accessory in the most juicy of bondage scenes.

My designs use absolute minimal hardware. For me this was important – a conscious step away from the overriding archetype of the fetishwear visual.

More than anything though, was that I wanted the wearer to feel glorious – glorious in their submission.
Glorious in their dominance. Glorious in their brunch look. For me that is linked to aspects such as
quality of materials and manufacturing, as well as the visual aspect. I wanted to share with wearers the
feeling that I get from wearing and using quality products – a sense of empowerment and ownership in
your skin that extends far after the scene is finished or you've taken your gear off. It's the ethos of
respect, consent and honesty. A thread that has woven from the bedroom into so many arenas of my
life as my journey with my sexuality has matured. 

Your website emphasises your waste-free approach, which I love! Please tell me more
about Taro's ethics.

When I started Taro, I was caught up in all sorts of environmental and ethical debates that got
me quite emotional – things like PU leather vs reclaimed animal leather vs imported plant-based
leather. Even packaging -- as glorious as it is to receive an opulent package, delivered ceremoniously in the post with all sorts of visually-appealing extras, every aspect of this has an environmental cost that will far outlast the momentary joy of sparkly packaging. When I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by all these choices, I try return to a personal ethos of absolute materiality – in the truest sense of the word. Material items need to be respected and considered and celebrated for the space they inhabit in your world. And if it's just going to land up in the bin, and there's no respect for the material existence of that object, I exclude it.

Your brand's social media and website showcase many different body sizes, and each piece is tailor-made to the buyer's measurements. I'd love to know more about this and your thoughts about accessibly-sized fetish wear.

I really wasn’t interested in creating “for him” and “for her” or “plus size” designs. I wanted to be able to celebrate bodies of all types; not limited to their size, or presumptions on gender and
preferences. Custom orders allow the customer complete agency over how they want their body
represented. How they want to feel in their own skin. I just provide the products that help them
celebrate themselves in whichever direction and shape they choose.

My hope is that everyone be able to celebrate their skin exactly as their heart and soul calls for. It seems a bit daft that this celebration of self is limited by something as mundane as a lack of access to well-
fitting, quality products.

Sexuality can be a very polarised and emotional topic, and BDSM is an oft-misunderstood aspect of intimacy. How have you navigated this in the South African context, which is often stereotyped as conservative?

South Africa is certainly conservative when it comes to understanding BDSM and the reality of what this celebration involves, as opposed to the expectation onlookers hold in their mind. This is partly due to the truth that, we don’t have the ease of access to products which express the diverse spectrum of sexuality as other countries may have had for decades already. The idea of what Bondage looks like is held so solid in people’s mind: that BDSM is about the oppression of women, unhinged male rage, garish ill-fitting latex and harsh, cold lighting. My hope, through Taro, is to take a step in changing this narrative in people’s minds and normalize the conversation surrounding it. Also, so that people who are new in their exploration feel comfortable asking questions and celebrating their interest with safe and shame-free techniques and products from the get-go.

In reality, I’ve only ever encountered a handful of people who have immediately shut down the idea of
bondage when the conversation comes up. What this curiosity speaks to is that everyone is at least a
little bit interested in exploring this physical manifestation of vulnerability and intimacy in some way or
another. Sometimes all they need is a platform and space in which they feel comfortable to take a step toward this expression.

Your website launched with handmade scented candles and hemp rope, then began adding leather harnesses; with new designs in the works. I know you've just started out, but I'd love to know what's next for Taro. Do you have any fun ideas?

In the coming months there will definitely be a few intricate, special-edition leather designs. Also, I’m a BEEEEG fan of lube. Additionally, I’m passionate about sexuality education and re-education. Not only in schools, but also for adults. I’d love to provide a platform for safe self-celebration and exploration of bodies. As it stands, the discourse that has begun on my Instagram is so rewarding. I certainly want to continue to grow and collaborate with sex-positive, local brands and people on this platform to celebrate and navigate the unique sex-culture that we dance in here in SA.

But if 2020 has taught us anything, its that everything can change in a matter of moments. So day by day I'm just seeing where this journey leads.

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Now for the exciting bit. Readers of the blog will receive 10% off their Taro purchases with the discount code "ohglow". Remember that every purchase supports a local, independent maker and creator, so this is the very best time to treat yourself to something beautiful.

Be sure to follow Taro on Instagram as the brand often acts as a platform for speakers on topics surrounding intimacy such as shibari, mental health, purity culture, and so much more. 

Website ♡ Instagram

Review: Bestvibe Super Smooth Waterproof Bullet

I was sent this cute little beeb courtesy of Bestvibe; a wholesale sex toy company in exchange for my review. The focus on affordable toys and let me tell you, this tiny bullet cutie runs for under 13 USD and it packs a punch for its diminutive size! But is the Super Smooth Waterproof Bullet worth it? Well, it's complicated.

This tiny little vibe is cute and has a minimalist charm that I love. Black on black is my preferred aesthetic, although it also comes in silver, gold, and pink. I also really like the almost featureless smoothness of this toy. It's just very understated and cool. The toy is a classic bullet shape made from ABS plastic sheathed in silicone, broken only by its single button which depresses with a satisfying click. You need to charge it by impaling it with a tiny USB charging pin; something that will never fail to both amuse and horrify me; and it's waterproof. It comes in the tiniest, lipstick-sized box with the instructions printed on the side (no unnecessary packaging or paper manuals!), with nothing but its itty bitty charger. Pared down, sleek, minimal. We love it.

 

Let the records show how great it is that affordable, body-safe toys are easier to find with what used to be "premium" features. Rechargeable/Waterproof? This was the stuff of dreams back in the day, and now it's just de rigeur. So good to know that the tech and materials are accessible enough to disseminate to pretty much anyone.

Perhaps another sign of cheaper and more accessible technology, but this vibrator is shockingly powerful. Extremely buzzy, but powerful. Like, more intense than you'd expect. I was astonished, until I clicked the button and realised that the default starting speed is high. This means that you need to press the single button to cycle down to lower speeds. That strikes me as decidedly odd, but wait -- it gets worse. There are also seven vibration patterns you need to skip between in order to get from high to low. Essentially, this toy is not user friendly. I'm certain that most people prefer to begin their stimulation on a lower level and ramp up; not start at max and then go down. And then if you cycle through from high to mid to start your masturbation at low, like a normal person, you need to get through seven other setting to get what you want. 

Due to the power of this tiny bullet, I can't imagine that you'd feel the need to make such an arduous shift to go from low to a medium to high speed very often. But it's just the principal of the thing. It seems incredibly unintuitive and just bad UX. Nevertheless, the might of this bullet's buzzy vibrations are a problem in themselves. The toy is actually really difficult to hold at higher speeds because it numbs your fingers out with that burning, itching, tinny, surface-level vibration that characterises buzzy vibes.

 

Are you confused? Take a look at this visual demonstration of buzzy versus rumbly vibrations. See how a buzzy vibe will concentrate sensation on the outermost layers of skin? It can easily lead to overstimulation of the area and maybe even an experience so intense it's a touch painful. I've only ever used this toy through underwear because I feel like I need a bit of a dampener between it and my skin -- smooth out the jagged feel of those intensely buzzy vibrations. Using this toy made me reflect on the myth of excessive vibration use reducing sensitivity and hypothesising that it originated from buzzy sex toys. I'm no vag scientist, but the Tango has never done this to me and it has a far rumblier effect.

In essence, my feelings on this toy are mixed. I love the design -- it's so minimal and easy to stash anywhere. I like the way that it's waterproof and rechargeable. I love its price point. But I think that starting on the highest level and then cycling through all these patterns to get to the lower levels is ridiculous; and the buzzy vibrations are on the border of painful.

However, I can still see the appeal. Perhaps you'd like to nab a small, decent, and inexpensive vibrator for travelling. This little vibe will do the job without the trauma I'd feel if I accidentally left my Tango somewhere. Maybe you need cute, pleasure-themed party favours for a group of people. Maybe you just want to have a low-investment option to fit in a bullet-compatible dildo. The Super Smooth waterproof bullet is a cute piece that works, but it might not become your favourite toy. 

And at that price, that's okay.

Website ♡ Facebook ♡ YouTube ♡ Twitter

Review: The Butters Cocoa Butter Lube

It's been a hot minute since I've posted. It's hard to really stay focused on this side of myself at the moment. Sexuality is not really part of my life during these COVIDuous times, and it's been a downer, to be honest. But a lot of the way we interact with our own sexuality can be affected by choice and context, so hopefully trying to get back into more regular posting my head will get back in the game.

This post comes with a little backstory. Near the end of last year, Zan from The Butters reached out to me for a review, and I was incredibly excited because I am passionate about oil-based lubricant. It just works for my body, okay? From reviewing their original recipe formula, I already knew that the company is black-owned, all vegan, all natural, and about as ethical as they come. And they wanted to work with me? Awesome.

Unfortunately, lockdown delayed my collection of the product for months, but it was worth it.

Okay first impressions: I'm quite a fan of the packaging redesign. The first gen labels were minimal and sort of evocative of a modern take of the old-style apothecary. The update features some jazzy teal to inject some fun into the cleanly aesthetic, and while I'm usually more of a monochrome person in terms of my own style; I like this pop of colour! It's echoed in the marketing material and even the little paper bag that the product came in, so the unified aesthetic is pleasing and pretty.

Of course, it's what's inside that counts. The base formula is similar to the original in that it's made with high-quality oils that are hypoallergenic and vulva-friendly; but the Cocoa Butter version does not contain the palm oil which formed the base of the original formula. This is exciting because palm oil gets a lot of hate for environmental reasons, and also cocoa butter smells incredible. More on this later, but if you're curious, you can check out the ingredient listing on the product page here. You'll notice some interesting addendums like kosher salt and apple cider vinegar, which sounds weird until you read the explanations on the product page. The tiny proportion of apple cider vinegar helps maintain the slightly more acidic vaginal pH, which is sensible. And the salt?



Cocoa butter

Gather 'round, children; we're about to get our Sommelier on.

As discussed, this variant of The Butters lube has a cocoa butter base. It smells. Delicious. I love it so much. As I scooped it out the tub, my mouth started watering. It leaves a wonderful chocolately scent on your body and I had to stop myself from eating it out the tub. Then I realised that this product is made from all food-adjacent ingredients and advertised to be happily edible, so I gave it a shot. It doesn't taste chocolately at all, which makes sense because sugar is the enemy of the vagina. What it does taste like is vaguely salty, a little acidic, and kind of like ... vaginal fluids. When I checked out some of the reviews on the product page, I saw that one person described it as almost tasteless -- probably because it just blends with the natural bodily fluids and has more of a noticeable smell rather than taste. Makes sense!

In use, it functions just as wonderfully as it smells. The reason I love oil-based lube to start with is due to some wildly awful experiences with candida that left made any sexual contact painful. Oil-based lubricant eased the pain, didn't dry out, didn't make my sensitive body react to nasty sugary ingredients, and most importantly: it created a thick cushion of protection between my inflamed tissue and any intimate contact. Water-based lubricant is really slippery and slick for clitoral play, but for me it can't compare to the protective thickness of oil lubes. My preferences have been cemented! It's too late to change my mind. Also, it doesn't react with my body and cause candida flare-ups. Why fix what works?



Aloe x Shea

The original Aloe x Shea formula was thick, but the Cocoa Butter formula is thicc. Notice how it's much more of a deeper, buttery (heh) yellow than the somewhat thinner Aloe x Shea formula. This creamy lube has a wonderful texture that spreads but stays forever, and yet somehow it's not solid when you scoop it out the tub? Witchcraft, I say. Unlike coconut oil lubes I've tried and loved, The Butters manage to create an oil that comes out of the tub like lotion, no need to warm it in your palms and get all messy first. It is perfect for internal play and will work will with all body-safe toy materials I'm aware of. I tried it with my Laid D1, which is a super weird and edgey one that needs a bit of extra attention in use, and it was a breeze. The Butters lasts ages, spreads super well, and I love the rich scent it leaves behind.

Downsides? None; in my book. Fans of water-based lubricants may not find this slippery enough for them, but that's not really my preference so it bothers me not one jot. The only thing you need to watch out for is that oils degrade latex, so please don't use this lubricant with barriers unless you know they are latex-free. What you need to know at the end of the day is that the beauty, body, and wellness products this company produces are high quality and made with care.

Importantly, this company is BLACK. It's QUEER. Everything is MADE BY HAND using ORIGINAL FORMULAS that are the intellectual property of the founders. You really don't need an excuse to support them because their products speak for themselves, and I love them. Thanks again to The Butters team for sending me this lube in exchange for my honest opinion; and thank you for six months of patience.

Check them out at the links below!

Website  ♡  Facebook  ♡  Instagram  ♡  Twitter  ♡  Tumblr  ♡  Youtube

 

 

 

Current Obsessions: June Wishlist

Considering the circumstances, what do we do to stay upbeat? We plan! We fantasise! We think about all the cool stuff we want to do ... literally. Without further preamble, here are some cool toys and sex accessories I've been lusting after.

NS Novelties Firefly Glass G-Spot Glow Wand

Okay, okay: I read the review for this toy at Super Smash Cache and was immediately smitten. It's a gorgeous glass dildo with shimmery sparkles inside that GLOWS IN THE DARK. How magical is that? Cy describes it as being a sex toy that Elsa from Frozen would use, and I can't agree more. Please actually check out Cy's post, because this product image really doesn't do it justice. Cy's photos do a lot to capture it in all its twinkly daylight glory. Gorgeous!

If that wasn't enough, it's apparently an excellent A-spotter, which is totally my thing. I want this toy so badly because it combines everything I love -- firm materials, A-spot action; and glitter.

Alas, it isn't available in South Africa and seems like a frivolous international purchase in these COVID-ey moments; so it will have to wait. Until then, I pine after this glowing glory. Soon my pretty ... soon.

Eternity Collar

I love these collars. For those that don't know, it's a smooth, almost seamless ring of stainless steel or titanium that literally locks onto your neck without a visible closure mechanism. The collar requires a special tiny little allen key to undo the hidden screws for opening and closing. They are elegant, durable, and utterly gorgeous. As the name implies, the purpose is to indicate long-lasting commitment -- in a kinky way. If you want to take your BDSM dynamic to red carpet levels of glam, this is what you need.

To be honest, it's quite a statement piece. Due to the sheer inconvenience and what I might imagine is mortal terror of losing the tiny screws, the collar is intended to be worn more or less continually. Understandably, this isn't great for people that feel constrained by clothing or jewellery when they sleep, for example; so it's definitely not for everyone.

However, I have great personal significance embedded in those collars. I love them so much. I loved them before I'd even heard of Eternity. Years ago I literally dreamt of getting a smooth ring collar from my partner at the time, so I googled a few key words and found the company. Their work is so beautiful and the collars are available in silver, black, as well as yellow and rose gold; plus the company has branched out into locking necklaces so there's a lot to choose from. Naturally, they're all utterly breathtaking. One day when I am big I'll get myself one of these beauties.

Blush Novelties Avant line

 

Okay I used these examples as the header image to this post because ugh, those colours; that geometric layering. MY HEART.

The flawless Insta-worthy aesthetic is so inspiring, I'm genuinely reconsidering my usual distaste for more realistic dildo shapes just so that I can own all the colour variants I love most, starting with the three above and then some. This is a bold statement because more penis-looking dildos never really appealed to me (I've come a long way), but like, those colours though. I'm such a basic bitch that if you make anything cute I am here for it.

I just ... I just enjoy being surrounded by beautiful things, okay? And sometimes we all want to indulge our pastel dildo princess dreams.

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What cool stuff are you lusting after?

Review: Vibease Emerald

Tbh, I haven't really been in the mood for much physicality these days. However, the toy I've used most during lockdown has been the Vibease Emerald, a new one from their Jewel collection. It's cute! It's fun! And it's shiny. It more than makes up for the nice-idea-but-tragic-execution of their flagship model, the Vibease. I received this product in exchange for an honest review, and am so happy I did (not least because it's fun to photograph).

Ever since I tried the pronged shape of the Satisfyer Multifun I've been invested in forked vibrators. If only the Multifun had been a little more rumbly! The shape was so great because it almost directly mimics the shape of the internal clitoris, meaning that you really got to focus on the crura and bulbs of the clitoris. Great design! However, the buzzy vibes numbed me out more than anything. Bummer.

The Emerald has a similar "surround and stimulate" design plan, but more akin to the We-Vibe Gala. It's shaped kind of like a little chibi bunny with a faceted jewel-type design near the flattened base to visually reference the collection. However, the colour is more mint icecream than deep emerald, but it works! Secretly, I love pastels so this is a good fit for my aesthetics. Visually, I really like this toy. The shape sits neatly in the palm and forks around the clitoris to surround it on either side with its little silicone ears. And it feels great. 

Basic stats. The Emerald has three speeds and four patterns. It's rechargeable and body safe (as expected these days). The USB charger is one of those fun but slightly frightening ones that involve literally impaling the toy with a spear-shaped charging pin into the tiny little dimple in the silicone of the side of the toy. It always feels like I'm going to do it wrong and break it somehow, but all has been well so far. This little gap in the silicone means that the product is "water resistant" rather than waterproof. This means that you can clean it under a running tap and take it into the shower with you, but it shouldn't be submerged in a bath, for example.

The vibrations are really powerful, although on the buzzier side of things. I'm not even mad because this toy provides some entirely new stimulation for me. The flexible little ears fold around your anatomy to surround it with vibrations and it is glorious. The encompassing surface area and vibrational range really is pretty overwhelming, and it would probably be on the point of painful if this bad boi was just ABS plastic. Fortunately, the soft silicone moderates this slightly. This thing kicks it up.

Another notable feature is marketed as the toy's "mesmerising" light. A ring at the base of the toy changes colour with each setting and shifts gently between the colours when the toy is on standby. As someone who enjoys some rainbow action, I was delighted by this. The flat base of the Emerald also allows it to stand easily on flat surfaces without getting the pronged business end in contact with dusty of cat-hair surfaces. When it's on your bedside table, cheerily cycling through its colour spectrum, it looks like a minimalist bunny-shaped night-light for a kid's room. I kind of love it.

The only thing I don't love are the unintuitive controls. The toy only has one button (a great improvement to the app-controlled fiasco that was the Vibease), but somehow it still doesn't work? WHY. Is it me? Am I the problem? One time, I abandoned a masturbatory session because it took me too long to remember how to turn the toy on and I didn't feel like rummaging around for the instruction manual. While googling "Vibease Emerald" to link to the company website, I literally found this:

Am I just unable to reconcile my toy usage with these controls? It has to be more intuitive in reality than my experience, surely? Anyway, one long press turns it on and off and then you basically just mash the single button until vibrations happen. Mash it! Press it multiple times in desperation! Actually, just twice is fine. But still! It feels like I need to learn how to operate this device each time.

In use, the flexible silicone ears provide a fair amount of sensory customisation. You can squeeze them together to intensify the enfolding feeling or allow them to bend to the shape of your anatomy. Hold the toy ears up or down, flip it to the side; there's a lot of angles you can work. While the buzzy quality of the vibrations may be an issue for some, this evens out a little as you work your way up through the speeds.

I really enjoyed the Emerald! If you're out for an affordable vibe that provides intense and encompassing stimulation, this is your best buy. Bonus: cute bunny aesthetic and night-light potential. Check out Vibease at the links below:

Website  ♡  Facebook  ♡  YouTube  ♡  Twitter 

 

Ten Best Things I've Done For My Mental Health

Mental health is more topical than ever before. As South Africans resign themselves to the extended lockdown, many assume that it's not going to get much easier. Even at the end of the lockdown period, the lift will be gradual. Most of the population needs to settle in for the long haul. Even in the "after," things will not be "normal."

We're going to need to find a new normal. But we'll get there.

Quite some time ago, Kate Sloan of GirlyJuice wrote this piece about mental health which resonated with me at the time, and now is the best time to take that prompt and run with it. So here's my list.

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Noticing the little things

One of my favourite parts of the day is around 14.30 when the light hits the little faceted crystal suncatcher in the window just right and spreads rainbows everywhere. Even better is when you spin it for a disco-ball effect and the cats go wild. It's double delight -- rainbows and cats being silly.

Painting my nails with one of those clear topcoats that have some kind of shimmer or glitter is similar. Just for context, I rarely paint my nails because it's so disappointing when it inevitably chips and ruins it all, but the glitter topcoat seems like a winner because it's more subtle and doesn't show flaws. Also, I'm always pleasantly surprised to catch sight of a twinkle when I move my hands. It's like unexpectedly finding a sweet you forgot about.

Using stuff is another act that feels like a treat. Lighting candles at night and burning incense during the day makes me feel really great. It feels kind of luxurious somehow; as if I'm really treating myself even though both of these are super easy to come by and affordable as well.

Enjoying nature

I love forest walks. I love them! I like going on adventures outdoors, walking around and listening to podcasts, enjoying fresh air and outdoorsy smells, and looking at cool things. Finding a weird little path that you're not sure is a dry stream or an animal trail or a legit hiking path and following it to find out is like crack to me. It's one of my favourite things. Looking at green shxt? Yes. Mossy log with mushrooms on it? A treasure. Weird Tarzan vines? Not gonna test them; but glad they're there all the same.

Of course, we can't get outside right now. But I am thankful daily for my houseplants. They make the house look more homey and natural and happy and I like the ritual of caring for them weekly and seeing them thrive. Every time I trim a leggy vine and stuff it in some soil to propagate I'm like yesss I am master over life ... and death. Anyone can do the same a twig of spekboom and a jar of water.

My houseplants and the act of opening a window for fresh air to watch the sky as the sun sets does help me feel like the staleness of the inside is more bearable.

Keeping a sleep schedule

Okay, this is the most boring item on the list. But my mental health suffers when I don't get enough rest. What helped was setting a bedtime alarm and actually sticking to it. It makes me feel like an old person but I'm much happier for it.

Maintaining order

Routine is important to me, and I have all sorts of little rituals and techniques I use to cope with life that may not seem sensible to others. It helps give me structure and makes me feel better about my day.

Similarly, I realised that an important part of my wellbeing is keeping things orderly and neat. It's boring but true! During lockdown I have the ability to do stupid stuff like pack the clean dishes away as I'm waiting for the kettle to boil during my workday, and it makes a real difference. General tidiness has always been a preference but now that my home is also my office, cleanliness matters to me more than it used to. I also think that the act of ordering my environment makes me feel like I have some control in my life, and that's a good feeling.

The welcome side effect is that my house is often prettier, which leads to my next point:

Curating my home space

I'm introverted and am normally quite happy spending time at home, so have put a fair amount of time into making it a comfortable and aesthetically pleasing space. I have fairy lights above my bed and in my living room (and actually use them), framed prints on the wall, and am in the process of to turning my bathroom into a scene from Jumanji. Basically, having a place that makes me look around and feel overjoyed to live in is wonderful and an enormously positive impact on my emotional wellbeing.

Dancing

I didn't often go out before lockdown, but one thing I do love to do is dance. It's an opportunity to be creative, chaining movements together and trying to create a flow that feels natural. I almost see it as a challenge -- can I vibe with an unfamiliar song? can I move to different rhythms? If the music is some kind of bizarre mashup genre (witch-house, synthwave, horrorcore), can I be just as bizarre?

One of my fonder memories was dressing to the nines and going to an event alone, dancing for two hours, and then just leaving without speaking to anybody. It was amazing -- no need to be concerned about whether my friends wanted to talk or get a drink or go home or stay out; and I didn't know anyone so I could be as weird as I liked. And let me tell you; it was a Goth club playing heavy synth remixes of classic batcave-era tunes, so it got pretty weird.

Fortunately, I can literally dance like nobody's watching so am able to enjoy such contortions in public as well as in the comforting secrecy of my home.

Quantifying cool stuff

I keep a few active lists on my phone and cloud-based apps keeping track of stuff that matters to me, or just that I find interesting. They serve a diarising purpose and help improve my sense of wellbeing. For example, one is a list of books I've finished this year; and it makes me feel accomplished because it generally feels like I don't read much. It's nice to have documented proof to reflect on.

Something I'm not as active with (but enjoyed when I was) is a running gratitude list. It has list items like "Saw a motorcycle gang with sidecars, and one had a dog riding shotgun. Wearing goggles. DOGGLES." It reminds me to find joy in life by celebrating little accomplishments or revelling in something funny.

Action-taking strategies

Sometimes I feel really powerless or stuck in a certain headspace, forced to repeat the same mental loop and spiralling deeper. When that happens, it's sometimes helpful to channel that into doing pretty much anything else. Stuff like journaling or drawing or trying to practise an instrument helps, but some people may find it helpful to write stuff down and then delete the document. Whatever works.

For example, I lost a friendship recently and was feeling sad about it, so made up my mind to work on a creative project "for" that friendship. The project had nothing to do with the friendship conceptually. But that particular friend always encouraged my creativity, so it felt fitting. It also helped me turn my focus outwards.

Exercise

Another boring-but-true one. Exercise is a chore to me, but like cleaning the house, I feel much better once I'm done. It helps me feel productive and like I'm "doing something" (see point above). A basic level of fitness and flexibility helps me feel capable. It also facilitates my ability to do other stuff I enjoy, like going on walks or sitting comfortably on the floor while at a picnic.

As described to me once, sleep and exercise are the two "magic pills" for increased wellbeing. And man, they're the hardest to do!

Looking fxcking cute

Okay. This is more obvious now in the time of loungewear, but I really appreciate the act of cultivating my appearance! Changing out of pyjamas and wearing some extremely comfortable but still "decent" clothing and a few similarly-comfy accessories makes me feel a touch more special. Anything from wearing a headband or a clip in my hair feels a little extra and fancy for me now. I've also started playing around with really natural makeup over the weekend, which is a chill way for me to feel a tiny bit more sparkly and weekend-special without judging myself for being overdone.

♡

If you'd like to learn more about the hard research behind happiness, I strongly recommend Coursera's The Science of Wellbeing with Professor Laurie Santos. It is free to audit (ie, consume all content without receiving grades or a certificate); and it was a little bit life-changing. I loved it.

What are your favourite ways to lift your spirits?

Review: MEO Wet & Naughty Silicone Ring Gag

Hey friend. How are you? Pretty bad? I know. I'm sorry. All I have for you is this review that's been in the backlog for weeks, but look -- I took the photos a couple of months ago so they have some leaves in them! Leaves from the Outside!

So let's talk about ring gags, because this blog isn't about topical news. Topical news is for when you want to feel anxious in the not-fun way. Open-ring gags, however, are for the consensual anxiety induced by the magic of humiliation. Let's talk about the MEO Wet & Naughty Silicone Ring Gag (NSFW link!). This particular gag was made with watersports in mind, hence the name and material choice. Ring gags are interesting in that they offer more degradation potential than the classic ball gag style.  If you're really into watersports, the O-shaped bit will prop your mouth open and keep it that way. You know. For fetish reasons.

That's not quite my vibe, to be honest, but it is an intriguing concept and design. There's something about an open mouth that's just so intimate. Women and people socialised as female are taught from when we're young not to shout, not to contort our faces in ungraceful ways; and pretty much everyone encouraged not to chew with their mouths open. There's something about an open mouth that's improper, indelicate, humiliating. It's undefended. Vulnerable. With the jaw propped open and lips apart, you can't stop a partner from seeing the inner workings of your mouth -- tongue, teeth; the pulsating throat; it's all quite revealing.

It is safe to say that I found this gag A Lot To Process. But first, let's get to the basics.

The gag is packaged cleanly in a plain plastic sleeve -- no frills, no fuss. It is made from silicone which coats the (presumably metal) O-ring bit to make it nice and safe for teeth. The whole construction is exceptionally clean, well-made, and uniform in appearance. The sleek, homogenous matte texture looks great and sort of "stealth," like you're going to be doing spy-bondage. Beside my a leather equivalent, it feels a bit like the BDSM version of one of those sports watches with the sweat-resistant silicone band. It's basically the kinky version of athleisure -- minimalist, functional, and chic.

What I really liked is the detail in the strap -- it has raised dashes along the edge to simulate the look of stitching. It's an extra, entirely aesthetic addition that just shows how much thought was put into the design. I like the way that it only emphasises the pared-down, all-black uniformity of the design and the materials. Literally everything is a matte black silicone, except for the locking buckle (which, incidentally, comes with a tiny little MEO-branded padlock for Serious Players). I don't really use locking hardware, but it is cool to have the option!

The strap, being entirely silicone, also has a little bit of give to it for some additional comfort. Remarkably, it doesn't pull on my hair and the soft, matte silicone is gentle against my face. During wear, the bit fits neatly behind my eye-teeth without stretching my jaw and feels safe for my teeth. The tooth thing was a real concern, okay -- I didn't go through years of braces to throw it all away on metal bits like a madman. In fact, the whole experience of wear is pleasant and comfortable.

Or you'd think so, anyway. There's just the tiny humiliation factor.

As expected, the gag makes me feel silly and shy. My tongue lacks the privacy it has been used to and is forced to squirm around in an entirely undignified fashion. It's weird to find my mouth on display like this. Naturally, because of the lack of muffler, it doesn't really stop you from making noise like the ball gag does. Instead, it stops you from forming words; forcing you to emit garbled hooting noises instead of actual speech and further showcasing the senseless flapping of your tongue. It's really rough, guys.

If you're into humiliation; you'll love it. Love it! It is perfect for providing that extra little push into consensual discomfort, allowing your partner to see you in a more helpless state; push fingers into your mouth, whatever's your bag. And that is great for those that are into it. Fabulous!

Another fabulous thing? Safety! While ball gags could turn dangerous if you're a bit ill and congested, have allergies, or are experiencing any other physical impediments that would render breathing through your mouth difficult, the O-ring gag allows for free and easy breathing. Lovely. Nevertheless, I suggest coming up with a non-vocal "safeword" just in case.

Look, while I struggle with humiliation play, I still highly recommend this gag. As with all other MEO products, it's pretty, it's functional, and it does what it says. Check them out online, and don't forget to ensure your network is private and secure as all links are NSFW. Have fun!

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Review: MEO Bondage Rope

Hey. We all know it's a hard time. I deal with this enough in real life (and online, let's face it), so I'm just going to keep life as normal as possible with my very intermittent posts. Stay safe babes.

 

Let's get right into it. You know the drill. As anyone looking to explore the BDSM spectrum, you gotta try some rope. Right? I mean, it’s like the most accessible thing out there, I would say. You may find yourself wandering past the rope section in hardware stores and having Speculative Thoughts. If you’re like me, you get overwhelmed with all those material comparison articles and just end up getting a basic Fifty Shades bundle with branded aglets that seem extremely ill-advised when combined with a whippy object. Seriously, why would anyone think that little metal weights at the end of something that is made to be flung about are a great idea? They get in the way for tying and tucking and are a legitimate hazard.

After literally being hit in the face a bunch by small metal projectiles, I finally got the chance to try some actually pretty good quality rope courtesy of MEO. We’ve worked with them a bunch before and they are a joy to deal with. This time, we got to check out their 3m/9ft rope which also comes in 10m/32ft bundles as well as in blue, red, and white colourways. It bears repeating that MEO products are reliably excellent and I honestly can’t recommend them enough. As always, however, remember that MEO’s website features some NSFW content. Their target audience is also primarily homosexual men, but like, the products can be used by anyone. Observe! Photographic evidence of a bad self-tie.

It’s actually kind of difficult to review rope because it’s more about what you do with it than the product itself, yes? Rope can be whatever you want it to be. It’s so versatile and mutable and offers a huge amount of variety to those who are creative enough to use it. It can be anything from functional to fashionable and is probably the most useful and variable tool in anyone’s collection. So, what makes this rope different? It’s just rope. To which I respond: please read this article on materials.

Yeah. There is so much rope out there. Can you see why I panic-bought a Fifty Shades set?

Following from that, the material used in the MEO rope is actually really soft and definitely of a far better calibre than any of the cheap trash I’ve tried before. It’s a natural-feeling cotton that you can toss in a laundry-bag and put through the washing machine and have it come out fresh and bacteria-free. The texture is soft, without the artificial slipperiness of nylon. This also helps with the natural “grippiness” of the rope, helping ties stay in place. It also just looks better – there's no fake-looking sheen that accompanies unnatural materials. Instead, the rope looks soft and natural and far more inviting than my experimental Fifty Shades kit.

Secondly, no aglets. Yay. The MEO rope ends are whipped (fancy rope terms) to prevent fraying and damage, and this is where the superior materials come in. As you can see from this comparison image, the MEO rope is densely woven and has no gaps in the weave, while the shiny, synthetic Fifty Shades rope is made in a sort of Twist-a-Braid style (and if you don’t remember the early 2000s Twist-a-Braid craze then it’s time to start searching Instagram for #y2kaesthetic tags because you don’t realise how good you have it). This explains the aglets. I think that without an actual physical stopper, the rope would unravel uselessly into a sad pile of scraps. 

This assessment is not applicable to the MEO rope – it’s an actually functional, practical tool rather than a pretty experimental photoshoot-type thing with cute branded accents. As usual, MEO blends quality with functionality and happens to make it look pretty good too. The one thing I’m sad about is that I got such a short segment of this rope. It means I’m limited to small binds – hands; feet – as larger body-bondage like torso or thighs are too great a surface area even as a straight-size person. If you’re more on the plus-size end of things I wouldn’t mess around with that 3m nonsense – go straight for the tens, bb. You’re worth it.

Final thoughts on this subject: if you have cats and you’re trying to experiment with ropey things, maybe just quarantine the kitties for a bit. Trust me.

As always, check out MEO’s social media below (NSFW links), or take a look at our other reviews.

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Review: MEO Under the Bed Restraint Gear

Back in the day, when I was a small baby just starting to experiment with sexuality, the ultimate in hardcore raunch was the idea of being tied down to a bed. This never actually happened, but that image is so prevalent in pop culture (even those silly 90s teen films) that it still has an air of mystique in my mind. In practise, however, ropes and knots are tricky and take time to fasten; you need a headboard/footboard situation; it's just an impractical mess really.

Fear not! The team at MEO allowed me to finally live out an echo of my teen dreams with their Under the Bed Restraints; a straightforward system of straps and cuffs that fits under your mattress -- no four-poster required. As always, this was provided to me in exchange for an unbiased review. Just a note, it was fairly difficult to write a "full" post for this product because it's just so simple and good. An accurate review would be "Five stars, would recommend," but I've done my best to go into excruciating detail. I apologise in advance for the amount of cat-hair in these photo.

The restraint system is comprised of nylon straps with adjustable clips that are connected by a central O-ring. There are D-rings on the end of each strap and a tiny little trigger-release, sort of like you'd find on the end of a dog leash. It also comes with nylon Velcro wrist- and ankle-cuffs, in case you don't have your own. This is great because you're set up and ready to go after a single sweaty mattress-flipping session, no matter what your existing equipment status.

This system of straps is the simplest little thing, and yet it's just so effective. As you may have gleaned, the most difficult aspect of assembly is flipping your mattress. If you have a double bed and are attempting this alone, good luck -- I have a 3/4 mattress and I had to pull my entire bed away from the wall so that the mattress could stand on its side while I arranged the restraint system in an X-shape (pictured on the top right), trying to ensure that the central connecting strap was roughly in the middle. Only afterwards I realised it was better arranged more in an H-shape (as pictured on the bottom left) -- at least for my purposes. I found having my hands more in line with my head was more comfortable on my shoulders and the straps didn't slip around as much. Needless to say, I got pretty sweaty experimenting with configurations. If you can, get a partner to help and don't repeat my mistakes.

After all that, it's just a matter of adjusting the straps to the proper length (i.e., tighter than you think, because you almost certainly have a lot of loose strappage bundled up under the mattress) and adding your cuffs. The system is held in place by bodyweight on the mattress and feels surprisingly secure, even with the Velcro cuffs. Nevertheless, I would recommend getting a set of cuffs that you like just for comfort reasons.

The only thing I was vaguely concerned about was the trigger-release clip that's used as an attachment for the cuffs. It feels kind of flimsy? As a cis girl who can't exert the strength required to rip through metal, I am possibly overreacting here. Nevertheless, the trigger clip just feels very small and dainty, like something you may see on one of those sadistic harness and leash contraptions made for walking your cat. If you're a big strong powerlifter type and feel personally affronted by the idea that such a tiny device could possibly contain you, you could always get some carabiners and clip those onto the D-rings instead.

Despite the durability concerns, I do see why the trigger clip was used -- it's easy on and easy off in an emergency, so at least you can release your bottom without adding an extra few minutes fiddling with the buckles on your cuffs. Although naturally if you use the cuffs that come with the set you can just rip off the Velcro, but still -- quick release is necessary.

Another favourite aspect of this system is that it is infinitely portable (you can mattress-flip anywhere, after all) and incredibly discreet. Just unclip your cuffs, tuck exposed straps under your mattress, and all is right with the world. This is great news for any BDSM aficionado who lives with housemates or children.

To end off, I've leave you with a quote from the website copy (NSFW link!) for this product:

Bondage has never been this easy and one of those reasons is the ease of use. Restraining your partner is simple to do. No more will the mood be ruined by the type of cumbersome and increasingly agitated fumbling rarely seen outside of a dad trying to put up a tent before it rains.

Couldn't have said it better myself! Basically, this product just plain works. It does exactly what it claims to do and it is just easy, excellent bondage. Get it, don't regret it.

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Review: MEO Bubinga Paddle in Large and Small

To kick off my first review of the new year, I'm starting with one of my favourite pieces and its little baby brother. It's a couple of gorgeous wooden paddles (NSFW links!) from the German manufacturer MEO who we've worked with before. Honestly, I love working with them because they are just so incredibly pleasant to deal with, efficient as all heck, and their products are the pinnacle of excellence. As always, these toys are provided free of charge by the company in exchange for an honest review.

So, first impressions. These paddles are 40 x 9cms and 26 x 8cms respectively. This makes the big one larger than any of the impact toys I have so far. The small one is about the size of the leather slapper we reviewed previously, and can fit into the back pocket of a pair of jeans with the little handle peeking out the top. Cute! Each of them feel really good in the hand -- solid, but light. Even though the big boi is so impressive in size, it's surprisingly easy to wield due to the choice of materials. The wood feels smooth and it smells faintly earthy, the handles fit easily into the palm, and each feature a slim leather loop for hanging. As is the minimalist MEO way, each toy comes in a simple plastic sleeve with the product tag attached to the loop. Nice.

Most striking was the actual appearance of the wood. Before this I had never heard of bubinga but loved the way it looked on the website -- the colouration is warm and the grain just looked beautiful. And yet I physically groaned when unboxing these beauties because the natural wood has such a subtlety of tone. The grain all but glows with a mica-like shimmer, and I get to own (and get hit by!) these objects. My butt is not worthy.

As an aside, a swift self-edification Google session revealed that bubinga is sometimes called "African rosewood" due to that rich, ruddy colour. It's an incredibly strong wood with exceptional surface hardness, which is why it's used for practical stuff like making woodshop tools and such. I was also delighted to learn that bubinga's density lends itself well to drum kits, especially for the heaviness and aggression required by metal drummers. Fun!

The Big Boi

I'm going to focus on the more imposing version of this paddle first, because this is my new ultimate fave in my impact arsenal. The large bubinga paddle provides the a thuddiness that I haven't felt from anything else just yet. Previously, my most impactful implement had been the French leather paddle, but that provided a comparatively lighter feel and sort of more of a surface hit. Conversely, the bubinga provides a much deeper hit that compresses tissue and ripples flesh with very little force. The weight-to-density ratio of the wood means that a wristy little flick of the paddle can deliver a solid and focused thud, accompanied by a very satisfying smacking sound. This combined with the size and balance of the toy makes you feel super powerful when you hold it. It's pretty great.

Something that's important to discuss is the depth and penetration (heh) of the impact. For those not in the know, spanking on the butt (especially the underbutt) can feel good because it encourages blood to flow to that region. In people assigned female at birth, this is pretty close to the genitals, thus facilitating arousal. Additionally, the deep thuds literally "shake up" the area, providing a jostling sensation that feels wonderful and makes you want more. Pair this with some kegel balls and you are in for a great time.

However, due to the easy power this paddle provides, you do need to be careful about the placement of hits -- especially if you have a less than generous behind. My hips and booty are not heavily padded so a misplaced smack can land on what are colloquially referred to as "the butt bones." But let's give those pelvic protrusions their due and call them the ischium. Observe!

Source

If you're familiar with the discomfort of sitting on hard surfaces with scrawny shanks, you know this feeling. Luckily, you can avoid this with more careful placement and a broader spreading of the impact area. Because the large-size paddle is so long, it can distribute the hit across the width of the entire butt and help diffuse accidental ischium contact to avoid that nasty pinpoint bony feeling.

The Little Guy

I haven't used this baby nearly as often as the larger version just because I'm really feeling that expansive surface area the latter provides. However, I'm visually delighted by the tininess of this little guy. It's a perfect scaled-down version of the Large and feels much the same in terms of impact, just more focused. Due to the surface area available, it sort of feels like being spanked by hand. A very hard hand.

I quite like using it on smaller, more delicate areas as it is quite deft to wield. Going back to the issue of the ischium, you can actually avoid those little bony points by whacking around them in a fairly targeted fashion. The nimble nature of this tiny paddle also allows the user to round out a spanking session to ensure optimum coverage. For example, you can have a rousing session with the large version and, when it gets too sensitive to keep hitting those areas, you could take the smaller one to the unattended areas that require more nuance, like the sides of the butt that you need to be careful with due to the prominence of the femur heads (again, refer to the anatomy image above).

I have a very scant butt, guys. You gotta be mindful.

The adorableness of this item fills my heart with delight and I love its literal pocket-sized transportability. If your life is more exciting than mine, you can slip this in a back pocket on the way to meet up with a partner or use it as a top-flagging tool at play parties. I also love imagining the comic relief provided by the visual contrast created by the two. Think of going to an experienced impact bottom and proudly presenting the little guy, allowing them a giggle, then pulling out the big boi and getting the reaction you want. Or even vice-versa! These hypotheticals fill me with glee.

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All in all, each implement is wonderful to use and beautifully made. I highly recommend the Large bubinga paddle but get the small for the lols. Check out our other MEO reviews and follow them at the links below. Never forget that their online presence is NSFW so ensure you're on a private network with no minors to spy on you.

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