Review: MEO Bubinga Paddle in Large and Small

To kick off my first review of the new year, I'm starting with one of my favourite pieces and its little baby brother. It's a couple of gorgeous wooden paddles (NSFW links!) from the German manufacturer MEO who we've worked with before. Honestly, I love working with them because they are just so incredibly pleasant to deal with, efficient as all heck, and their products are the pinnacle of excellence. As always, these toys are provided free of charge by the company in exchange for an honest review.

So, first impressions. These paddles are 40 x 9cms and 26 x 8cms respectively. This makes the big one larger than any of the impact toys I have so far. The small one is about the size of the leather slapper we reviewed previously, and can fit into the back pocket of a pair of jeans with the little handle peeking out the top. Cute! Each of them feel really good in the hand -- solid, but light. Even though the big boi is so impressive in size, it's surprisingly easy to wield due to the choice of materials. The wood feels smooth and it smells faintly earthy, the handles fit easily into the palm, and each feature a slim leather loop for hanging. As is the minimalist MEO way, each toy comes in a simple plastic sleeve with the product tag attached to the loop. Nice.

Most striking was the actual appearance of the wood. Before this I had never heard of bubinga but loved the way it looked on the website -- the colouration is warm and the grain just looked beautiful. And yet I physically groaned when unboxing these beauties because the natural wood has such a subtlety of tone. The grain all but glows with a mica-like shimmer, and I get to own (and get hit by!) these objects. My butt is not worthy.

As an aside, a swift self-edification Google session revealed that bubinga is sometimes called "African rosewood" due to that rich, ruddy colour. It's an incredibly strong wood with exceptional surface hardness, which is why it's used for practical stuff like making woodshop tools and such. I was also delighted to learn that bubinga's density lends itself well to drum kits, especially for the heaviness and aggression required by metal drummers. Fun!

The Big Boi

I'm going to focus on the more imposing version of this paddle first, because this is my new ultimate fave in my impact arsenal. The large bubinga paddle provides the a thuddiness that I haven't felt from anything else just yet. Previously, my most impactful implement had been the French leather paddle, but that provided a comparatively lighter feel and sort of more of a surface hit. Conversely, the bubinga provides a much deeper hit that compresses tissue and ripples flesh with very little force. The weight-to-density ratio of the wood means that a wristy little flick of the paddle can deliver a solid and focused thud, accompanied by a very satisfying smacking sound. This combined with the size and balance of the toy makes you feel super powerful when you hold it. It's pretty great.

Something that's important to discuss is the depth and penetration (heh) of the impact. For those not in the know, spanking on the butt (especially the underbutt) can feel good because it encourages blood to flow to that region. In people assigned female at birth, this is pretty close to the genitals, thus facilitating arousal. Additionally, the deep thuds literally "shake up" the area, providing a jostling sensation that feels wonderful and makes you want more. Pair this with some kegel balls and you are in for a great time.

However, due to the easy power this paddle provides, you do need to be careful about the placement of hits -- especially if you have a less than generous behind. My hips and booty are not heavily padded so a misplaced smack can land on what are colloquially referred to as "the butt bones." But let's give those pelvic protrusions their due and call them the ischium. Observe!

Source

If you're familiar with the discomfort of sitting on hard surfaces with scrawny shanks, you know this feeling. Luckily, you can avoid this with more careful placement and a broader spreading of the impact area. Because the large-size paddle is so long, it can distribute the hit across the width of the entire butt and help diffuse accidental ischium contact to avoid that nasty pinpoint bony feeling.

The Little Guy

I haven't used this baby nearly as often as the larger version just because I'm really feeling that expansive surface area the latter provides. However, I'm visually delighted by the tininess of this little guy. It's a perfect scaled-down version of the Large and feels much the same in terms of impact, just more focused. Due to the surface area available, it sort of feels like being spanked by hand. A very hard hand.

I quite like using it on smaller, more delicate areas as it is quite deft to wield. Going back to the issue of the ischium, you can actually avoid those little bony points by whacking around them in a fairly targeted fashion. The nimble nature of this tiny paddle also allows the user to round out a spanking session to ensure optimum coverage. For example, you can have a rousing session with the large version and, when it gets too sensitive to keep hitting those areas, you could take the smaller one to the unattended areas that require more nuance, like the sides of the butt that you need to be careful with due to the prominence of the femur heads (again, refer to the anatomy image above).

I have a very scant butt, guys. You gotta be mindful.

The adorableness of this item fills my heart with delight and I love its literal pocket-sized transportability. If your life is more exciting than mine, you can slip this in a back pocket on the way to meet up with a partner or use it as a top-flagging tool at play parties. I also love imagining the comic relief provided by the visual contrast created by the two. Think of going to an experienced impact bottom and proudly presenting the little guy, allowing them a giggle, then pulling out the big boi and getting the reaction you want. Or even vice-versa! These hypotheticals fill me with glee.

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All in all, each implement is wonderful to use and beautifully made. I highly recommend the Large bubinga paddle but get the small for the lols. Check out our other MEO reviews and follow them at the links below. Never forget that their online presence is NSFW so ensure you're on a private network with no minors to spy on you.

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Round-Up: Best and Worst of 2019

Happy new year! Our annual best and worst post is a little late, but in between the holiday festivities it took me some time to crunch the final numbers. It's been an intense and tumultuous year for me but a pretty active one for the blog, comparatively. We received more review items than any year previously; and it's been great getting to know some more companies a little more personally.

Let's kick this off with a reflection of the products that have left the greatest impression on us.

Stunners

MEO French Leather Paddle

I love this paddle! As I mention in the first paragraph of the review, this really should have been posted in 2018 but I had been using it so much that I just kind of assumed that it had already been written up. This paddle isn't too stingy, packing a flexible impact that is forgiving but harsh when necessary.

The construction is excellent, as is true for all MEO products -- well-finished and professional edges and stitching, metal inner core, hanging loop; and  it comes with a leather care guide so you can keep this baby going as long as your thwacking shoulder has power. It's also a really nice, comfortable size and has a clean, no-frills design so I just like it a whole bunch.

Rocks-Off Chaiamo

I chose this vibe because of the way it looks and was not expecting the POWER it packs. Seriously; I kind of wish this had an extra, lower speed so that you can ramp up more gradually. This little thang is a powerhouse of deep, thuddy vibration packed into a stylishly sleek design, and I love it!

This vibe fits easily into the hand, has a pretty intuitive navigation system (single button, hold it down to turn on or off), looks fantastic, and keeps a charge pretty much forever. I actually love using it on my lower abdomen to access my external G-spot because yeah, it's that powerful. Its medium size means you can get some fairly direct stimulation if you use the slightly flattened tip, or a broader spread if used along the length. 10/10 would recommend.

Laid D1

This entry to the list was conflicting, because this is a rarely-used toy in my collection and yet is a much-loved one. It's just super weird, but like ... in a good way? I love the truly innovative nature of this twisted, asymmetrical design. The D1 is just so goshdarned aesthetic. Give me interesting minimalism in a matte black and I'm easy to please. In fact, I swooned about it in the most gratuitous fashion in the post.

In use, it's a bit hard on the wrists because it was designed to be twisted rather than thrust, and because of the off-kilter shape it's a bit odd to insert. However, it genuinely provides a sensation I have not felt from any other toy before. It's just so ... different and multifaceted in terms of sensation (and design). It hits the G-spot; it hits the A-spot; it's just really good! And weird! But excellent! But also won't work for everyone! Ah, inner turmoil.

Rocks-Off Zeppelina

Minerva's pick for the year makes for the second Rocks-Off toy on the list. The Zeppelina is one thick boi. Size royalty may love to use it internally, but it's not for beginners. However, the Zeppelina features a cool old-timey design and an incredibly effective motor. Like the Chaiamo, this toy truly packs a punch.

We also love the fun, tongue-in-cheek whimsy of the marketing material. Rocks-Off really went all out on that steampunk theme, and I applaud their commitment to the cause. It's different and makes for an interesting product line.

Bummers

Vibease

Unfortunately, not all toys can work for all bodies (or at all, to be honest). Vibease is a new-ish company, to my knowledge, and this eponymous product was their first release. It's a cute little app-controlled vibe with a good rumble to it, but I barely got to enjoy it due to the connection issues. Without a solid Bluetooth link, it doesn't work. And it barely connected at all, despite being an arm's reach from my phone. Well, more like a torso's length, but whatever.

This toy ruined so many orgasms that it was tested twice before being relegated to the "dispose" pile. It was such an exercise in frustration that I didn't even get to experience the simultaneous erotic/vibration feature which is the main draw of the product. Oh well. Better luck with the next app, I guess.

Satisfyer Multifun 2

I actually loved the Multifun when in its initial use. The wishbone/horseshoe shape is so great for clitoral anatomy and provides a type of stimulation I genuinely haven't felt before, and it really works! And yet, the toy's downfall is its lack of rumble. The weak and buzzy quality of the vibe does nothing but numb me out, making it difficult to even press the Multifun against your body without losing sensation in your hands.

I also never really got around to trying all fourteen purported uses for this product, but Minerva gamely gave it a shot and her verdict was "meh." It's a great idea but just seems lacking in execution. If Satisfyer updated this product with more powerful motors in the tips, this toy would be a fixture in my arsenal.

Tantus Sport

This is more of a case of a good product not working for my specific body rather than being a bad toy. The Sport has a nice shape that seemed to be reliably and unequivocally good, came in different sizes (I got a Medium!), and had a cute little teardrop base. What's not to love?

Alas, the gentle and flexible nature of the toy lacked the oomph required for me to really enjoy the bulbed head. It really was a useful toy in that it helped me realise that softer-density silicone just doesn't work for my body.

Nevertheless, if you're a person that loves squishier toys, you'd probably have a great time with the Sport. Bodies are different and cool.

Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples

As the second Satisfyer item on the list, the Pro 4 Couple's vibration/suction combo was Minerva's worst toy of the year. The pointy internal bit is stabby, the vibrations are weak, and the incessant glowing light is reminiscent of the torchlight you use when telling ghost stories at a sleepover. Toss in some controls that are tricky to use during play and it's just a recipe for disaster.

Also, it's apparently impossible to position in a way that makes sense, and this is coming from someone that's had great success with dual-stimulation rabbit toys and loves pretty much everything Satisfyer makes. But not every product will be a hit with each user, and that's okay.

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And that's a wrap-up of 2019! In 2020, I'd like to work with perhaps three new companies and publish more than the year before.

What were your favourite toys of 2019?