That Clicks Aisle

What’s up with all the “feminine products” in the tampon aisle? You see them everywhere, from the humble grocery store to pharmacies with vast arrays of gendered 'hygiene.' It’s bewildering. You’re just wandering about, looking for something innocent like menstrual products or tissues, and you are confronted with a slew of different gels and washes specifically targeted at women. They all use euphemistic terms such as “feminine” and “intimate” and just seem to add to the ever-increasing mountain of products marketed directly to women. I was marginally affronted upon first encountering all these nefarious potions, until I found a use for exactly one of them.

Have you ever wondered if they serve any real purpose? After all, they wouldn’t be sold unless they have practical applications, right? Actually, most of them are pretty spurious, and some can even be harmful. Let’s investigate.

Firstly, there are certain things that are bad for vulvas. Soap is one of them. This seems counterintuitive, because it kind of goes against everything we’ve known from childhood – soap makes things clean and cleaner is better. Ergo, use soap. Unfortunately, regular soap is formulated for the skin on the rest of the body, which sits at around 5.5 pH. The vagina’s pH is maintained at a healthy 3.8-4.5 all by itself just fine, thank you very much, and the intrusion of soap can actually disrupt the natural order of things. When your vulva’s pH is all messed-up, it can lead to bacterial vaginosis (aka BV, aka a pretty nasty odour); yeast infections and all sorts of foul stuff that can make you have a very bad time.

It turns out some gentle cleaning with just plain water is perfectly fine. All you need is your hand, as scrubbing hard with cloths or loofas can irritate the area and lead to discomfort anyway.

Secondly, glycerine is the devil. Seriously. Yeast infections survive on sugar, and guess what glycerine is? Yup. It’s included in a great many products for its moisturising properties, and is often one of the main ingredients in water-based lube. Unfortunately, many products claiming to be vulva-friendly are packed with glycerine, with companies like Gynae Guard appearing to be trying to cash in on thrush prevention methods while simultaneously allowing outbreak-causing ingredients in their products. Sneaky, Gynae Guard. We see your crimes.

Basically, if you struggle with yeast infections, you better get used to reading labels (or taste it, if you're not shy. If it's sweet, it's glycerine).

Products we actually do use

If you have chronic thrush plagues or sensitivity, you might find it helpful to switch to a wash formulated for “intimate areas,” or however they’re marketed. As a person with way too much experience in these things, I find it reassuring that such products help create a healthy environment for good bacteria in the vulva area. I only ever select glycerine-free washes, and noticed that they seem to alleviate the duration and severity of even an existing outbreak. It can also be quite soothing to the area and provide temporary relief shortly after application. I also use it as a toy-cleaner, figuring it will have the same benefits in that context as well. After all, preventative measures work magic.

The only thing I use from that endless aisle (yes, the one that is so large it needs a label all to itself above it), aside from tampons are the Lil-lets intimate care wipes. Since I’m not sensitive to yeast infections and thrush, I don’t use any of the soaps or have to read the labels on every lube bottle to avoid glycerine, which is nice. High five to everyone out there like me, we are privileged. Now if you’re squeamish, the short reason is because I like to feel fresh and wish there were tiny mini-showers we could have just for our bits when it’s really hot, or maybe you’ve had a particularly messy bedroom encounter, or when you’re on your period and everything's just feeling a bit damp and gunky.

I have large thighs. I mean really, really large thighs. Chafing is a big deal. I fell victim to the Lil-lets Powder, advertised as a solution to chafing; and thought it would solve my problems. It didn’t really. It didn’t stop the endless sweating, and just sort of mixed with it to create a paste. You might be very interested to know that it does however work for men who uh ... hang a little lower and suffer from chafing in their gentlemen’s regions. Go on, spread the word and save a bro’s bits today. They will also smell quite pleasantly flowery.After this paste ordeal, I found these wipes. Now they don’t help with the chafing, but they do help with the feeling of sweaty claustrophobia I get around my vagina when it’s hot, I’m perioding, or just feel like I need an extra clean moment. They smell great and are easy to carry around in your handbag. They make your vagina feel very nice and clean without being harsh on it or drying it out and causing irritation. I also use them after toys, because I found that tissue paper was just too rough, since my vagina is fairly dry to begin with. Or after particularly enthusiastic sexual encounters, when you’re feeling just a little bit tender, these wipes are the real MVP. Soothing.

 FYI

12 Basic Rules for Women's Intimate Hygiene
Vagina Varsity on cleanliness and when to call a doctor