Round-Up: Best and Worst of 2019

Happy new year! Our annual best and worst post is a little late, but in between the holiday festivities it took me some time to crunch the final numbers. It's been an intense and tumultuous year for me but a pretty active one for the blog, comparatively. We received more review items than any year previously; and it's been great getting to know some more companies a little more personally.

Let's kick this off with a reflection of the products that have left the greatest impression on us.

Stunners

MEO French Leather Paddle

I love this paddle! As I mention in the first paragraph of the review, this really should have been posted in 2018 but I had been using it so much that I just kind of assumed that it had already been written up. This paddle isn't too stingy, packing a flexible impact that is forgiving but harsh when necessary.

The construction is excellent, as is true for all MEO products -- well-finished and professional edges and stitching, metal inner core, hanging loop; and  it comes with a leather care guide so you can keep this baby going as long as your thwacking shoulder has power. It's also a really nice, comfortable size and has a clean, no-frills design so I just like it a whole bunch.

Rocks-Off Chaiamo

I chose this vibe because of the way it looks and was not expecting the POWER it packs. Seriously; I kind of wish this had an extra, lower speed so that you can ramp up more gradually. This little thang is a powerhouse of deep, thuddy vibration packed into a stylishly sleek design, and I love it!

This vibe fits easily into the hand, has a pretty intuitive navigation system (single button, hold it down to turn on or off), looks fantastic, and keeps a charge pretty much forever. I actually love using it on my lower abdomen to access my external G-spot because yeah, it's that powerful. Its medium size means you can get some fairly direct stimulation if you use the slightly flattened tip, or a broader spread if used along the length. 10/10 would recommend.

Laid D1

This entry to the list was conflicting, because this is a rarely-used toy in my collection and yet is a much-loved one. It's just super weird, but like ... in a good way? I love the truly innovative nature of this twisted, asymmetrical design. The D1 is just so goshdarned aesthetic. Give me interesting minimalism in a matte black and I'm easy to please. In fact, I swooned about it in the most gratuitous fashion in the post.

In use, it's a bit hard on the wrists because it was designed to be twisted rather than thrust, and because of the off-kilter shape it's a bit odd to insert. However, it genuinely provides a sensation I have not felt from any other toy before. It's just so ... different and multifaceted in terms of sensation (and design). It hits the G-spot; it hits the A-spot; it's just really good! And weird! But excellent! But also won't work for everyone! Ah, inner turmoil.

Rocks-Off Zeppelina

Minerva's pick for the year makes for the second Rocks-Off toy on the list. The Zeppelina is one thick boi. Size royalty may love to use it internally, but it's not for beginners. However, the Zeppelina features a cool old-timey design and an incredibly effective motor. Like the Chaiamo, this toy truly packs a punch.

We also love the fun, tongue-in-cheek whimsy of the marketing material. Rocks-Off really went all out on that steampunk theme, and I applaud their commitment to the cause. It's different and makes for an interesting product line.

Bummers

Vibease

Unfortunately, not all toys can work for all bodies (or at all, to be honest). Vibease is a new-ish company, to my knowledge, and this eponymous product was their first release. It's a cute little app-controlled vibe with a good rumble to it, but I barely got to enjoy it due to the connection issues. Without a solid Bluetooth link, it doesn't work. And it barely connected at all, despite being an arm's reach from my phone. Well, more like a torso's length, but whatever.

This toy ruined so many orgasms that it was tested twice before being relegated to the "dispose" pile. It was such an exercise in frustration that I didn't even get to experience the simultaneous erotic/vibration feature which is the main draw of the product. Oh well. Better luck with the next app, I guess.

Satisfyer Multifun 2

I actually loved the Multifun when in its initial use. The wishbone/horseshoe shape is so great for clitoral anatomy and provides a type of stimulation I genuinely haven't felt before, and it really works! And yet, the toy's downfall is its lack of rumble. The weak and buzzy quality of the vibe does nothing but numb me out, making it difficult to even press the Multifun against your body without losing sensation in your hands.

I also never really got around to trying all fourteen purported uses for this product, but Minerva gamely gave it a shot and her verdict was "meh." It's a great idea but just seems lacking in execution. If Satisfyer updated this product with more powerful motors in the tips, this toy would be a fixture in my arsenal.

Tantus Sport

This is more of a case of a good product not working for my specific body rather than being a bad toy. The Sport has a nice shape that seemed to be reliably and unequivocally good, came in different sizes (I got a Medium!), and had a cute little teardrop base. What's not to love?

Alas, the gentle and flexible nature of the toy lacked the oomph required for me to really enjoy the bulbed head. It really was a useful toy in that it helped me realise that softer-density silicone just doesn't work for my body.

Nevertheless, if you're a person that loves squishier toys, you'd probably have a great time with the Sport. Bodies are different and cool.

Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples

As the second Satisfyer item on the list, the Pro 4 Couple's vibration/suction combo was Minerva's worst toy of the year. The pointy internal bit is stabby, the vibrations are weak, and the incessant glowing light is reminiscent of the torchlight you use when telling ghost stories at a sleepover. Toss in some controls that are tricky to use during play and it's just a recipe for disaster.

Also, it's apparently impossible to position in a way that makes sense, and this is coming from someone that's had great success with dual-stimulation rabbit toys and loves pretty much everything Satisfyer makes. But not every product will be a hit with each user, and that's okay.

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And that's a wrap-up of 2019! In 2020, I'd like to work with perhaps three new companies and publish more than the year before.

What were your favourite toys of 2019?